Doors? No, Drawers. Big difference.
More slippery.
More Jimmy Ayres.
Adelaide
If…
Tex didn’t miss those four shots along with his nine goals…
Then…
He would have won the Johnny Coleman.
Brisbane
If…
Joe Daniher wants to change his post-goal song for something special come Finals time…
Then…
Perhaps nothing would be more apt than Slim Dusty’s You’ve Got To Drink The Froth To Get The Beer – a perfect summation of Big Joe.
(I’ve probably rolled this one out before, but that doesn’t make it any less fitting)
Carlton
If…
OJ Simpson and his defence attorneys played for an AFL team…
Then…
There is zero chance of it being for anyone other than Carlton.
Collingwood
If…
Jack Ginnivan could play against Essendon every week…
Then…
He would undoubtedly continue to rack ’em up. (Goals, that is……)
Essendon
If…
You were just starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel of being an Essendon supporter…
Then…
Just remember that this club sent you into the offseason with the memory of being outscored 263-67 in your last two games of the season.
Fremantle
–
If…
You were disappointed about finishing inside the bottom four…
Then…
It’s a good thing that you didn’t. You finished inside the bottom five.
Geelong
If…
You’re a Cats fan that doesn’t remember the pre-2007 days…
Then…
This strange concept of having nothing to watch in September is what the rest of us call: “picking the team you hate the least to follow in the finals”.
Gold Coast
If…
There was a stranger retort to Alastair Clarkson’s comments in the media last week than costing North Melbourne the number one Draft Pick by allowing the Kangaroos to snap their 21 game losing streak…
Then…
It’s yet to occur to me.
GWS
If…
You laughed at Adam Kingsley’s ominous warning that the Orange Tsunami was returning, when the Giants currently held a 2-8 record…
Then…
You better remember the sachet of sauce to go with your humble pie.
Hawthorn
If…
Hawthorn decides to trade any quality players again in the offseason…
Then…
Just remember that it’s “a FoRm Of TaNkInG”.
Melbourne
–
If..
Punching Steven May cost him a Grand Final berth in 2021, now a knee injury has cost him a Finals berth in 2023..
Then…
Jake Melksham is one of the unluckiest blokes in footy.
North Melbourne
If…
You feel like stirring the pot over the offseason…
Then…
Just use one of your many wooden spoons.
Port Adelaide
If…
Ken’s stocks rose exponentially during the season…
Then…
The Barbie Movie really put the ‘dent’ in his name’s credentials.
Richmond
If…
The AFL doesn’t schedule Gold Coast vs Richmond from Marvel Stadium in Round 1 next year…
Then…
They can go and get stuffed.
St Kilda
If…
Jack Higgins finds out that Missy Higgins is playing at the AFL Grand Final…
Then…
The AFL may just receive yet another cease and desist from St Kilda.
Sydney
If…
Sydney fans thought their side copped the rough end of the AFL’s hard luck story, underdog favouritism in 2016…
Then…
Looking at their opponent for the first week of finals, I’m afraid I have some bad news.
West Coast
If…
You factor in that the Eagles had a better finish to their season than Essendon, Gold Coast and Richmond…
Then…
The signs of improvement are starting to show, even if they are small.
Western Bulldogs
If…
Bailey Smith does end up requesting a trade to Geelong (as reported in some news outlets)…
Then…
I wonder how long until he and Zach Tuohy butt heads.
And this one’s for the AFL….
If…
You’re going to stand down a goal umpire for getting a decision wrong…
Then…
Prepare to stand down every single other umpire in your employment, and have fun finding more since we keep hearing just how hard it is to get umpires at the top level.
Like this free content? You could buy Jimmy a beer, or a coffee, or something to trim his nasal hair as a way to say thanks. He’ll be a happy camper.
