In this edition we take a light-hearted look at weddings, parties and football etiquette. Then, just to keep up with every other media outlet, the role of the field umpires will be scrutinised. An interesting bit of byplay between Patricks Cripps and Harry McKay over the weekend will be discussed. Under the heading of ‘the almost teams’, we’ll take a look at the almost wins that hurt any club trying to climb the ladder, and of course we finish it off with the fight for the Mirrorball Keyring in the only award dedicated to the ageing veterans of our great game.
Weddings, Parties and Umpires
On Saturday I attended a wedding that was a habeas corpus event, meaning I have to attend no matter how many excuses I made up. For the record, it was good wedding and a good night, so congratulations to the happy couple.
As the Marriage Celebrant was going on and on before finally allowing the Bride and Groom to pash, I found myself looking down at my phone every couple of minutes to check the scores, and when I looked around the hall, many others in attendance had their heads bowed to have a quick check of the score on their phones.
So, it got me thinking, what are the social etiquette rules when one must miss the footy to attend a ceremony like a wedding, party, or even a funeral?
Disco’s Wedding and Party Rules of Etiquette
- Have the wedding on a Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday so it doesn’t interfere with the footy. This would also allow the happy couple to save money on the church/chapel and the reception venue.
- If it must be on the weekend, have a special room next to the chapel and/or reception venue to allow those who are desperate to watch a game the opportunity to do so;
- Have the actual exchanging of vows ceremony during the halftime break, giving those in attendance the chance to pay full attention to the lovely couple exchanging vows;
- Provide earpieces so during the meal, the first dance and the wedding speeches so the footy fanatics don’t lose track of the scores; and
- If it is not a shot gun wedding, then don’t be selfish and plan your big day for any Saturday between the start of October to the end of February.
I’m glad that is now off my chest.
Let us know any more rules of etiquette to make a wedding and/or party more user friendly for the footy heads you insist on inviting to your special day.
Umpires
Not being able to keep a lazy eye on the games over the weekend, I had to rely on social media and members forum groups to get a sense, a feel for, and knowledge of any issues arising from the round of matches.
I have been able to deduce from Facebook, Threads, Tik Tok, and Dr Google that the clubs who lost over the weekend had a fair bit to say about the umpires, with one club in particular absolutely livid at the frees they didn’t get and the ones that were paid to their opponent.
I’ve watched a few of the 15-minute Minis, and I would agree to some extent with those whinging about the men who officiate our great game.
Holding the Ball
Interpretations of the holding the ball rule are a complete and utter mess. Each of the four field umpires are paying frees (or not paying frees) using different understandings of the same rule. It looks like each individual umpire will be consistent with the frees they do or do not call; however, this does not mean as a collective they are consistent with each other, thus creating the illusion of inconsistency.
The umpiring ranks are bit like the over stretched playing lists, with some umpires being selected to umpire well before they are ready. If that is the case, then the responsibility over the four umpires must fall onto the shoulders of the senior umpire on the ground, including giving directives as to how all four umpires should interpret any set rule.
With there being four umpires on the field, it is bloody annoying when the umpire closest to the play has called play-on, only for another umpire to award a free kick from further away from the play.
Unless the umpire closest to the play is making a complete howler of a decision, then they should not be overruled by any umpire further away. For example, if a player is swung 760 degrees and is not penalised, then in that instance the next closest umpire should overrule as it is a howler, however if it is a fifty/fifty decision like between a handball or a throw, then that decision should only be called, or not called, by the nearest closest umpire.
I don’t like umpire bashing, and in their defence the umpires are only as good as the rules they are meant to enforce, in other words, the mixed messages coming out of AFL House are not helping the situation.
When Harry meet Patty
The one game I did watch from start to finish was the Lions versus the Blues, and for the first two quarters it looked like the Blues were a world of hurt as they were being mauled by the ruthless Lions.
Carlton’s body language in the second quarter was dreadful, with Michael Voss looking like a dead coach walking as he sulked his way from directing his troops on the boundary to his safe haven, the coaches box. On the field, Carlton’s senior players obviously didn’t trust the inexperienced players on their list as they continually got in the way of them, and then there was Harry and Patty.
Towards the end of the second quarter when Marc Pittonet was being rested, an audible argument occurred between Harry McKay and Patrick Cripps, not once, but twice, as to who was going to take on the responsibility of ruck duties.
For Harry and Patty, it looked serious and given how pathetic the Blues were playing up to that point, it just seemed like the Baggers had sunk to new low of arguing with each on the field.
The captain of the team was arguing with a senior player, not only in front of the opposition, but also in front of the entirety of their playing group. In polite society, the role of a captain should never be questioned by an underling, but this is Carlton and they do things differently (not necessarily well, but different).
As the Blues left the field for halftime nearly every player hung their head with a fear as to how the rest of this match was going to play out.
I’m not sure what Michael Voss said at halftime, but to a man every Carlton player lifted their game in the second half as the Baggers played one of the best halves of football I have witnessed from a Carlton team in many a year.
Hazarding a guess, I reckon at halftime Vossy told Harry and Patty to go out back and sort it out, while he tore strips of the rest of the playing group, and it worked.
No, they didn’t win, but they did earn respect by totally outscoring the Premiership favourite in the second half.
Both Patty and Harry had stellar second halves.
Harry McKay
In the second half against the Lions, Harry McKay played to his full potential, which is a combination of being a bit freaky and breathtakingly good, and therein lays the problem with big Harry.
At his best, Harry McKay belongs in the upper echelon of all players in the competition, however, Harry suffers from the infliction that hampers a lot of players careers, he is inconsistent and then some. It is only in the rare moments where we see Harry the ‘A’ lister on display that we all realise this guy could still be anything.
Maybe Harry needed to butt heads with Patty to bring everything to the surface that he had held in all year, as the immediate result was both Harry and Patty had great games in the second half, and the rest of the playing list came with them.
Patrick Cripps
The Cripper has carried the weight of expectation at Carlton on his shoulders for way too many seasons, and it has affected his output this season. Having said that, even though Patty’s output has waned a bit this season, he is still in the elite category of players.
For a few years now, Cripps has often taken on the rucking duties for one reason or another, and it has always made me cringe.
Nobody in their right mind would take a Ferrari to a smash em’ up derby, so why are Carlton allowing their number one asset to compete in the ruck nearly every week. Common sense dictates Cripps is more valuable at the fall of the ball than getting belted up ruck contests, yet week after week there he is waiting for one of the dinosaurs of the game to crash into him.
If (and it is a huge if) Harry was arguing with Patty about him taking over the ruck duties from Patty, then well-done Harry for trying to protect your captain.
Almost Teams and Almost Wins
By any metric the Kangaroos are a team on the rise after many long years of suffering, but they aren’t there yet as a team to be reckoned with as a contender. While as they transition or morph, they will suffer more heartbreak as they continue on their journey before they are a team at the pointy end.
Complaints about umpires aside, from the members forums I perused the long-suffering supporters of the lads from Arden Street know where their team is at presently and they know where they could be, and that is why just losing to team like Sydney hurts.
The growing pains hurt.
Last weekend for the Kangaroos was an almost win from a team that is almost there, and the fans are excited for the future, but they are frustrated that cannot close the deal on match they should have won.
The path to redemption is long snaking path, and from time to time the almost teams will fall down the cracks, going three steps forward and two steps backwards. I’m sad to say North Melbourne, that is exactly where your club is at as this stage of the season.
For different reasons the Western Bulldogs are not only an almost team, as they are the unluckiest team in the competition. Concentrating on this season only, stocks in the Bulldogs have gone from records highs, to completely crashing out.
Injuries have cruelled the Dogs this season with senior player after senior player succumbing to injury after the team set the world on fire early in the season.
The luckless Port Adelaide’s season would be on a totally different trajectory if it wasn’t for a one-point loss almost win to their arch-rival the Crows. What a difference a point can make, especially for an almost team.
Next Week
After a weekend of fairly predictable results, the coming weekend has some tasty little matches that will start to separate the wheat from the chaff
Starting off on Thursday night the Lions host the Cats in the Grand Final replay where a win is essential for both teams if they want to keep contact with the top three teams.
Friday night lights up the SCG as the Swans host a besieged Collingwood team who are just clinging onto contact with the main players. For the Swans, it is a game they need to tick off, however, for the Pies it is a must win match.
The Suns will win their tenth straight game at TIO Stadium when they take on a Port Adelaide who are one more loss away from when they start to plan for next season by putting games into some of their younger players on the fringe.
Saturday offers up three very tasty games which some pundits call ‘eight-point games’, as the Crows and the Roos lock horns at Adelaide Oval, followed by a true acid test for the much improved Dees who host the Hawks. Both need a win to consolidate their position on the ladder at the MCG. Finally, to cap of the day, two teams who both have split personalities, Carlton and the Bulldogs, will be vying for the win at Marvel. I refuse to tip either team as I’m not sure what team will turn up ready to play.
Just quickly, on Sunday, the Dockers will be too good for the Bombers at the MCG, while St Kilda has a MUST WIN in capital letters against the Tigers at the MCG, and finally on paper, the Giants should trounce the Eagles in Perth, however I have a gut feeling this will be the upset of the round.
Disco’s Over 30’s Casey’s Nightclub Award
This award is for the players proving there is life after 30 in the AFL and it is theoretically sponsored by the once legendary nightclub located in the Glenferrie Station arcade, Casey’s Over 30’s Nightclub. On any given Wednesday or Saturday night the more mature singles of Melbourne would pack the joint to the rafters. The smell of cheap aftershave was truly overbearing.
There are many players in the AFL thirty years of age or older performing gallantly and as such The Mongrel Punt have introduced this award specifically for the elderly citizens of the competition who will be competing for The Mirror Ball Keyring.
Similar in style to the Coaches Votes, the voting system for this cherished award is the top ten elderly citizens of each round will be ranked with ten being the maximum and one being the minimum.
Votes for Round Nine
10 Marcus Bontempelli (WB)
9 Lachie Neale (Bris)
8 Jack Gunston (Haw)
7 Ryan Lester (Bris)
6 Luke Parker (NM)
5 Max Gawn (Melb)
4 Jack Darling (NM)
3 Jake Lloyd (Syd)
2 Lachie Whitfield (GWS)
1 Jack Sinclair (St K)
Leader Board
30 Brodie Grundy (Syd)
24 Jack Gunston (Haw)
20 Lachie Neale (Bris)
17 Luke Parker (NM)
16 Zach Merrett (Ess)
15 Jack Steele (Melb) Marcus Bontempelli (WB)
14 Scott Pendlebury (Coll)
12 Max Gawn (Melb)
11 Jarman Impey (Haw)
10 Jeremy Cameron (Gee) Christian Petracca (GC) Lachie Whitfield (GWS)
9 Toby Greene (GWS) Taylor Walker (Ade) Luke Ryan (Freo) Dayne Zorko (Bris)
8 Bradley Hill (St K)
7 Jack Cripps (Coll) Ollie Wines (PA) Ryan Lester (Bris)
6 Alex Pearce (Freo) Brayden Maynard (Coll) Jack Sinclair (St K)
5 James Sicily (Haw) Callum Wilkie (St K)
4 Jake Melksham (Melb) Tom Aitkins (Gee) Alex Neal-Bullen (Ade)
3 Jake Lloyd (Syd)
1 Nic Newman (Car)
In previous weeks votes had been given to Harris Andrews, however he does not turn 30 till December, and the same applies to Peter Wright who doesn’t turn 30 until September.
Fin
Have a great week and may your team win.
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