We’ve heard it for years – the teams based outside Victoria have it tougher.
I get it, though. I really do. Forced to travel interstate almost every second week, some teams clock up enormous miles as they traverse the country to be part of this sport we love.
Meanwhile, we get some Victorian-based clubs cracking the sads when they have to play at Marvel Stadium instead of the MCG, and vice versa. Or those who get a little nasty when a move away from Kardinia Park is floated.
So, how do the teams fare away from home, and who is travelling best at the moment?
The Mongrel has devised a little ladder to assess who is the best road team in the league. Oh, the Vic teams will still get a look in if they’re good enough, and whilst I fully expect a number of fans to say this system is rigged to favour non-Victorian teams… I really don’t care. Stop your whining.
So, how does it work?
The Road Warrior Ladder is named after one of the best Tag Teams of all time. Don’t come at me with your Demolition garbage, or your Powers of Pain crap… they were Road Warrior rip-offs… who were, in turn, rip-offs of the 1980s movie, Mad Max.
It was called The Road Warrior in the United States because… geez, I’m not a film buff. Do your own homework.
Anyway, you get four points for an interstate win and two points for a win at an away venue that IS NOT played at the venue you consider your home ground. I don’t care if it’s not your home game – you’re still at the ground you play your home games. The Road Warrior Ladder Nazi isn’t concerned with your feelings – just facts.
Tasmania is considered a home game for Hawthorn. You choose to play your home games there – you cop it. Same with GWS and Canberra – if it’s your choice, you wear it.
Now that my belligerence is out of the way, let’s get to business.
THE ROAD WARRIOR LADDER AFTER ROUND NINE
1 – BRISBANE – 12 PTS (132-POINT DIFFERENTIAL IN ROAD WINS)
2 – PORT ADELAIDE – 12 PTS (79)
3 – WESTERN BULLDOGS – 10 PTS (69… DUDE)
4 – CARLTON – 8 PTS (118)
5 – GOLD COAST – 8 PTS (94)
6 – SYDNEY – 8 PTS (93)
7 – MELBOURNE – 8 PTS (68)
8 – FREMANTLE – 8 PTS (27)
9 – COLLINGWOOD – 8 PTS (7)
10 – GWS – 6 PTS (3)
11 – GEELONG – 4 PTS (47)
12 – RICHMOND – 4 PTS (32)
13 – ESSENDON – 4 PTS (27)
14 – ADELAIDE – 4 PTS (3)
15 – NORTH MELBOURNE – 4PTS (1)
16-18 – ST KILDA, HAWTHORN, WEST COAST – NO POINTS AS YET
Port Adelaide are the big movers this week, leaping up the table due to their spanking of the Kangaroos.
What was built as a grudge match was really just a bit of a beatdown, rivalling a Grade Six kid taking out his frustrations on an uppity Grade Two. Port were just a better team, all-round, and it was likely a very smart move from Alastair Clarkson to downplay the rivalry prior to the game.
No use talking a big game when you’re forced to back it up, and can’t.
Despite playing at home, the Lions retain their hold on top spot, and Freo move into the top eight with their win over the struggling Swans at the SCG going a long way to rectifying their slow start. Still a bit of work to be done, yet.
UPCOMING FOUR-POINT GAMES
MELBOURNE head to Adelaide Oval to tangle with Port in what will be a great test for both teams.
SYDNEY look to get their season back on track at Marvel in a date with the Kangaroos
ADELAIDE head to that gosh-forsaken heck-hole, Ballarat, to take on the Dogs
GEELONG head to Optus Stadium to face a rejuvenated Freo
WEST COAST jump on a plane and head to Tassie to take on the Hawks in Spoonbowl 2023.
And ST KILDA make the trip to Sydney’s west to face the Giants.
UPCOMING TWO-POINT CROSSTOWN GAMES
GOLD COAST have the Queensland Derby at the Gabba this week, so they can pinch two points with a win
FOOTNOTE OF THE WEEK
Remember days when full forwards consistently kicked bags? We’ve seen a little bit of it this season, with both Charlie Curnow and Tom Hawkins getting off the leash, but it still pales in comparison to the “good old days” when you had Lockett, Dunstall, and Ablett running around.
Between them, these three giants of the game kicked ten or more goals in a game the lazy fifty times.
You read that correctly – 50 bags of ten or more goals!
Ablett – 12 times
Dunstall – 16 times
Lockett – 22 times
Unbelievable. What a time to watch footy. What an honour.
Like this content? Dunno why… it is the easiest of the columns I do every week, and even then I screw it up now and again. You could buy me a coffee – I do like coffee, but there is no guarantee I won’t use it to buy a doughnut… I like them more. And I am not brought to you by Sportsbet or Ladbrokes… or Bet365, or any of them.
Or, you could jump on as a Mongrel Member so you don’t have to complain to me when an article on your team is locked behind the paywall. Plus, you ensure we end up sticking around, that way.
