For anybody that finds themselves unfamiliar with the widely practised belief of ‘Austrology’, let me break down the basics for you.
Austrology is the study of the movements and relative positions of celestial bodies interpreted as having an influence on AFL affairs and the football world. In short, it’s a type of divination that involves the forecasting of football club and personnel’s events through the observation and interpretation of fixed stars, the Sun, the Moon, the planets, my own personal opinions and highlighting the dereliction of reporting within the mainstream media.
The main principles of Austrology are shared and divided into 18 different factions, each rooted deeply with their own history and alligning with a supporter’s own personal character, socioeconomic status and beliefs.
Here at The Mongrel Punt, I, Jimmy Ayres am widely recognised and highly regarded for my official position as internationally elected Ultra-Sublime-Mega-Sensai-Grandmaster-Guru-Neon Knight of the Eternal-Brotherhood of Travelling-Austrology-Guild – and today, I bring you your Horror-Scopes.
Adelaide
Sign: The Black Bird
Constellation: WestLakium-Ricciutoris
Reading: An offseason recruit, a recent draftee or an underperforming fringe player is currently ‘training the house down’ and/or ‘carving up the track’.
Brisbane
Sign: The Maned Cat
Constellation: The Brown AkerBlackVoss
Reading: An offseason recruit, a recent draftee or an underperforming fringe player is currently ‘training the house down’ and/or ‘carving up the track’.
Carlton
Sign: The Deep
Constellation: Under-Table BrownBaggerus
Reading: An offseason recruit, a recent draftee or an underperforming fringe player is currently ‘training the house down’ and/or ‘carving up the track’.
Collingwood
Sign: The Swooper
Constellation: Colliwobble CakeWalkium
Reading: An offseason recruit, a recent draftee or an underperforming fringe player is currently ‘training the house down’ and/or ‘carving up the track’.
Essendon
Sign: Aluminium Clowd
Constellation: Perennialis-Dissapointingus
Reading: An offseason recruit, a recent draftee or an underperforming fringe player is currently ‘training the house down’ and/or ‘carving up the track’.
Fremantle
Sign: The Steel Mirena
Constellation: Barren TrophyCabinordium
Reading: An offseason recruit, a recent draftee or an underperforming fringe player is currently ‘training the house down’ and/or ‘carving up the track’.
Geelong
Sign: The Domestic Feline
Constellation: HomeGame Advantoreum
Reading: An offseason recruit, a recent draftee or an underperforming fringe player is currently ‘training the house down’ and/or ‘carving up the track’.
Gold Coast
Sign: The Burning Star
Constellation: Battle.4 Relevance
Reading: An offseason recruit, a recent draftee or an underperforming fringe player is currently ‘training the house down’ and/or ‘carving up the track’.
GWS
Sign: The Big One
Constellation: BlackTownBlackHole
Reading: An offseason recruit, a recent draftee or an underperforming fringe player is currently ‘training the house down’ and/or ‘carving up the track’.
Hawthorn
Sign: The Tony Bird
Constellation: Kennett Komplexium
Reading: An offseason recruit, a recent draftee or an underperforming fringe player is currently ‘training the house down’ and/or ‘carving up the track’.
Melbourne
Sign: The D-Man
Constellation: Tankingerus Accusation
Reading: An offseason recruit, a recent draftee or an underperforming fringe player is currently ‘training the house down’ and/or ‘carving up the track’.
North Melbourne
Sign: The Hopping Marsupial
Constellation: Rattling Tinium
Reading: An offseason recruit, a recent draftee or an underperforming fringe player is currently ‘training the house down’ and/or ‘carving up the track’.
Port Adelaide
Sign: The Bolt
Constellation: Albertownium Tarpaulin
Reading: An offseason recruit, a recent draftee or an underperforming fringe player is currently ‘training the house down’ and/or ‘carving up the track’.
Richmond
Sign: The Striped Cat
Constellation: Finishum Ninthorius
Reading: An offseason recruit, a recent draftee or an underperforming fringe player is currently ‘training the house down’ and/or ‘carving up the track’.
St Kilda
Sign: The Holey One
Constellation: OneCup in-the-Cabinetarium
Reading: An offseason recruit, a recent draftee or an underperforming fringe player is currently ‘training the house down’ and/or ‘carving up the track’.
Sydney
Sign: The White Water Bird
Constellation: 81.Pointoreums
Reading: An offseason recruit, a recent draftee or an underperforming fringe player is currently ‘training the house down’ and/or ‘carving up the track’.
West Coast
Sign: The Freedom Bird
Constellation: JuddyLeftus
Reading: An offseason recruit, a recent draftee or an underperforming fringe player is currently ‘training the house down’ and/or ‘carving up the track’.
Western Bulldogs
Sign: The Hound
Constellation: MuckRaker
Reading: An offseason recruit, a recent draftee or an underperforming fringe player is currently ‘training the house down’ and/or ‘carving up the track’.
Like this free content? You could buy Jimmy a coffee – he probably needs a bit more to enable him to make some different observations, but he’ll settle for a coffee.
