DREAMTIME AT THE ‘G: A REVIEW (OF SORTS)
As I’m sitting here 20 minutes before the opening bounce, I honestly can’t tell you which angle I’m going to take with this review.
I’ve had many different thoughts. Many different talking points I could write about. But does it really matter? Because aside from the young kids that may or may not do something special in the blink of an eye, this match is going to be awful.
Sorry, not sorry, to the Richmond and Essendon supporters reading this. I know I could be accused of coming into the game with a negative attitude, but it’s the truth.
And what makes this so much worse is that tonight is one of the big four occasions on the AFL calendar.
An occasion that deserves so much better than these two teams.
Sure, they’ll get 75,000 plus patrons through the MCG turnstiles. And as I just saw, the pre-match entertainment will be top-tier.
But then, the match has to inevitably commence.
And it’s going to be bad. Truly bad. At 6:55 pm, SA time, I feel extremely confident in saying that. For anyone thinking it won’t be, allow me to take you back to Round 18 last season. When the five-win Tigers kicked 6.10.46, to beat the six-win Bombers, 5.7.37.
And if that’s not bad enough, Essendon has tasted victory just once in 23 attempts since last year’s Dreamtime match. I know, I was there, for the unlikeliest of victories at Gather Round this year against a now barnstorming Melbourne.
Normally, at this point, I’d have finished the introduction to this review and have moved on to the back stories of each team. Sure, I might as well move on to that, if I must.
THE BACK STORY
Both teams suck in 2026. That’s it. And I know, I know, I’m supposed to look deeper and find out more about the teams, but as I said earlier, does it really matter?
This Tigers team is one of the worst I’ve ever seen. Through no fault of their own, but also entirely their own fault, Richmond is bereft of experienced talent. They’re kind of bereft of inexperienced talent as well, as a ton of their kids are hurt. After a period of sustained success that netted the club three premierships in four years, the Tigers needed to rebuild, and they decided to completely gut their playing list of seemingly everyone. That decision has left them painfully thin, and when the inevitable injury crisis hit the club, and hit it hard (which you knew it would, given the Tigers put too many games into their kids too quickly), there was nothing underneath the best 23. It’s worse now, as Richmond only has 25 fit players to pick from, and so many of their experienced leaders are missing.
But then we come to Essendon. A team that, as I said earlier, has won just one match of its last 23. And I could really eviscerate the Bombers, jumping on the bandwagon that so many others have. But I’m not going to, for two very important reasons.
First, that has already been done on this site just a little while back. Ben Wesley did just that in his review of Essendon’s loss to Brisbane a few weeks ago. He did it so much better than I ever could, and to pile on like that would just be empty noise.
And it’s not like completely destroying the Bombers in this piece is going to make any difference. It’s not going to make the game I’m about to watch any better. It’s still going to be bad.
I’ll finish the unofficial preview of the game by saying that with everything surrounding Richmond’s injury crisis, the Bombers should be winning this game. Sure, the Tigers have been playing with that youthful exuberance, and while Essendon are also rebuilding, they aren’t to the same extent as Richmond. This should be Essendon’s second win of the season. And if it isn’t, if Richmond pulls themselves to victory tonight, well, I might not be very kind to those wearing red.
It’s now 7:15 pm SA time. I’ve just watched the excellent pre-match ceremony, and I find myself wondering what I want to do here. I can keep writing about everything surrounding the game itself until the cows come home. Do I really want to actually put fingers to keyboard about the minute-by-minute details of this match?
No. I don’t.
You know what happened here. As both starting rucks miss the opening ball up, which may end up being the best metaphor for this clash, I still have so much more to write about. So much more that I can say about Dreamtime, and the AFL’s marquee fixtures themselves.
Because we’ve been going two minutes, and I’ve already seen six turnovers. No, make that seven. Not turnovers caused by immense pressure, but rather, just poor football.
If you’re a diehard, rusted-on Bomber or Tiger, you watched this game. And if you love footy more than you love your own sanity, you watched this game too. If you fit into neither category, you either found something far better to do with your Friday night, or you turned over to watch the flag favourite Walyalup (probably) take easy care of Euro-Yroke (that’s Fremantle and St Kilda respectively, but I shouldn’t need to tell you that).
Note – I admit that centre clearance from Darcy Parish was slick, and Caddy needs to follow that up with a goal. Yep, he missed. Because of course he did.
Anyway. I’ll repeat myself once more that this occasion deserves better than this. It goes to a deeper issue that not many in the AFL media want to talk about. Why do the same teams have the monopoly on the marquee games? Why do Richmond and Essendon always get the Dreamtime game? Why do Collingwood and Melbourne always get the Big Freeze King’s Birthday clash? And don’t get started on ANZAC Day.
Back to the game quickly. That was simply atrocious from Jade Gresham, Jye Caldwell and Nick Bryan. Three players surrounding Jack Ross, and none went hard enough to stop him from getting to the ball. What are we doing here? Ross has been good this season, and he is displaying why he is becoming more of a favourite amoongst Tiger faithful in this one.
Back to the more important things. I left out Easter Monday with Geelong and Hawthorn out of the previous discussion, because right now, both teams are good enough to deserve the occasion. But when both teams eventually fall down the ladder (and in Geelong, I hope that happens sooner rather than later, please!), there should be a conversation about their place on Easter weekend as well.
A lot of fake tough guy stuff from the Bombers after a Steely Green goal. Look at the scoreboard, idiots! You’re two goals down already!
It’s now the second quarter, and Essendon are 21 points down. Richmond are playing far better footy, moving it quickly by hand, and Essendon are confused and disconnected from one another. The Bombers are winning the hit-outs 12-0, but losing the clearances clearly. It paints a perfect picture of complete and total dysfunction.
I’ve decided to simply watch the game for a solid 10-minute stretch. And gee, it’s awful. I’ve used that word a few times, so much so that I should probably be reaching for my glossary, but I can’t be bothered prettying up a review of a game that doesn’t deserve it.
Sure, the Bombers have copped too many injuries all in one go; they’re down to just one fit player on the bench, but the skill level of both teams is just so bad. I do like that Essendon’s pressure has risen, and they’ve come from four goals down to bring the margin back to ten points, but I don’t like where this could be headed for them.
Just as I wrote that last bit, Xavier Duursma got run down from behind by Steely Green in a ripping tackle, then Ben McKay shoved his opponent forward in a contest. Then it was Nate Caddy with an untidy head high bump. That’s three free kicks that Essendon should never have given away, from three players who should know better. This is where they’re at – disarray.
So. It’s half time. Richmond leads this game by 15 points. Essendon’s medical room is under siege. Skipper Andrew McGrath has a broken jaw, Matt Guelfi pinged his hamstring, and Sam Durham is out with a concussion. Jye Caldwell is still out there, of sorts, but is heavily hobbled. It all points to a soft, easy kill, but their opponents haven’t yet developed that killer instinct that the good sides would have in the same situation. Maybe it will come later in the game, and the Tiger cubs will learn how to hunt and kill a wounded prey? But it’ll sure be interesting. Maybe. Hopefully. Oh, who am I kidding!
Let’s return to the question about the monopoly of marquee fixtures that the so-called big Victorian clubs get.
BE KIND… REWIND
Why do Carlton and Richmond have the traditional Round One Thursday night fixture? You remember how bad it was this year. Why, when Collingwood plays Geelong, and Geelong is the home team, is it never played at Geelong’s actual home ground?
We’ve become so accustomed to this injustice that no one seems to question it.
Well, no one of note anyway. It’s constantly spoken about in the Mongrel writers’ chat, and rightly so. I’ve never really taken much notice of it, because my philosophy has always been that good teams win, regardless of circumstance, but that still shouldn’t mean that the also-rans should be rewarded for their mediocrity.
I could spend literal hours talking about ANZAC Day, and it being the one home-and-away match that you should earn your way into. It should be the Grand Final rematch, hosted by the premiers.
But on the question of tonight’s fixture.
Our Indigenous community has such a rich culture, and it should be celebrated properly. The Indigenous stars of our games deserve to be recognised for their achievements, and for the magic they’ve brought to our great game.However, by giving the Dreamtime game to Richmond and Essendon, we are robbing them of that. Sure, Kevin Sheedy was the one behind this, but the club was pretty happy to see the back of him at one point – selective traditionalism?
This next statement is by no means meant to disrespect any of the Indigenous players currently running around the MCG.
But what’s the harm in giving Brisbane this match, so we can marvel at the magic of Charlie Cameron? Or Walyalup, and Isaiah Dudley. Geelong and Lawson Humphries. Kuwarna, and Izak Rankine and Wayne Milera. Hawthorn has Jarman Impey and Karl Amon. Gold Coast gives us Daniel Rioli, Joel Jeffrey and Ben Long. Even Euro-Yroke would be more deserving, with their stars Nasiah Wanganeen-Milera and Brad Hill. Naarm’s match against the Western Bulldogs could’ve been moved to this fixture. Then we could’ve be treated to Kozzie and Latrelle Pickett, and Artie Jones with the Dogs.
And that’s just to name a very select few. There’s so many more examples that I could list, I’d be here for days on end.
Again, there will be 75,000 plus supporters cheering on their team at the ground. But how many will actually watch along at home?
I know that I wouldn’t be if I wasn’t writing this right now.
I could make the argument that this match is the second biggest fixture on the calendar, behind only ANZAC Day for the pomp and circumstance. And I’ve probably said it over and over again in this piece, but I don’t care. It needs to be said over and over again, just as it needs to be heard over and over again.
Stop giving this basket case of a club so many of the big games. Just like Carlton, another team undeserving of the fixtures they receive, Essendon, and Richmond to a somewhat lesser extent, is no longer a big club. They are a poorly run, poorly coached prison. President Andrew Welsh has said that Brad Scott will be their next premiership coach, without any actual evidence that he can coach. Aside from Ben McKay, I’ve barely seen any selection statements from Scott, and his team has always looked too safe, like they know no matter how badly they play, their position in the side will never be questioned. And their former captain was so desperate to get the hell out of the joint, yet Welsh and co dug their heels in so stubbornly it made Tom Petroro’s head explode.
The final siren has now sounded so back to the field for a quick second. And we get to the next part of what a normal review would look like.
BACK TO THE GAME
Look, it’s not the worst game I’ve ever seen in my life. Far from it, in fact. And there were some eye-catching moments. Mykelti Lefau’s big effort soccer goal in the second quarter. Zach Merrett, having done all he could to keep his team in the game, scored a pretty nice goal from outside 50, also in the second quarter. You don’t expect that from him. There were exquisite run down tackles, that Darcy Parish centre clearance was a sight to behold, and certainly Nate Caddy threw his body everywhere, in some impressive displays of toughness.
Wait. They’re announcing the winner of the Yiooken Medal. Stand by.
I’m mad now. Not because Darcy Parish was awarded the medal. He was booed as his name was announced. Pull your heads in.
Back to Parish. He was excellent. 40 disposals, 32 effective, seven marks and four tackles. He and Merrett battled valiantly and almost dragged their team to victory. Sure, Parish didn’t help with that very silly 50-metre penalty late in the game, but you can forgive that given his previous 120 minutes. Mason Redman was excellent behind the ball with 25 touches and nine marks. I liked his composure, as well as his experience after McGrath went down, to marshal the defensive troops in that third term.
I’ll spend a bit more time on the Tigers, since they actually won tonight. Jayden Short and Tim Taranto had 30 touches each, and both used their experience to inspire their young teammates. It was good to see Short using his potent boot for good instead of evil on several occasions. It is something that has been missing at times this season. Jack Ross, who has surprisingly been Richmond’s best player this season, was a beast in the middle with 25 disposals, and Patrick Retschko was excellent running up and down the wing with 27 disposals, nine score involvements and eight marks. He has a handful of games under his belty and is now looking like the Tigers may have found something.
Ben Miller was a pillar of strength in the backline, and no matter who he was matched up on, he won the battle and ended the night with 17 touches (16 kicks) and nine marks. He is very much a formulaic defender, but he is as hoinest as the day is long, and is rarely beaten. In a more experienced team, he would be a tough matchup for even the best forwards in the game.
I also really liked some of the kids, in particular Tyler Sonsie and Steely Green. They’ve found a good little nugget in Green, and he reminds me a little bit of Jack Higgins. I can see him being a cult figure for a long time. And with Sonsie, he spent more time around the ball tonight, and it really paid off. He is worth persisting with as a full-time midfielder, as he drifts ionto the contest from the wing.
I can carry on; there are a few more players who had good, maybe even great games, if you look at the stats sheet. Seth Campbell’s role as a high half-forward works, and his speed at ground level is a problem for the opposition, and Samx2 (Grlj and Cumming) both had moments where you can see the players they’ll develop into.
But no.
I had to watch that turnover fest for three hours, and I don’t feel like rewarding those players with recognition. It wasn’t just the turnovers – it was the type of turnovers that were the issue. Basic skill errors, unforced errors, and dumb mistakes. I understand when it is a player taking a tough option by foot, as there comes an element of risk with those possessions. However, when it is a rudimentary 30 metres pass and you miss by five metres… what chance are you giving your teammates? This happened all night, and was one of ther bigger issues both sets of forwards had to deal with.
I watched two teams play in a Friday night marquee fixture, and both should’ve been condemned to the doldrums of Sunday twilight, with these types of turnovers. I’ve just seen that this is the deepest into the season that Essendon has been at the bottom of the ladder, since their suspension season of 2016.
If that doesn’t tell you everything you need to know, nothing will.
As for Richmond, they will be fine. They’ve won multiple premierships within the last decade, and we all know what they’re doing with their list. They’ll be bad, very bad even, at times, but they’re on the right track. Five wins last season, and another two this season, especially given the injuries they’ve suffered, is an enormous feat. Giant hat tip to them, and they know how to make the average football supporter smile with their exploits. More of that, please. Just, maybe not on these marquee games for a little while.
The other team has no idea what they are. A p[articular commentator might call them the “red team” because they look nothing like the Essendon unit that waqs once a feared opponent in the league. They cling to past glories and have deluded themselves into thinking they’re much more relevant than they actually are. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Poorly run, poorly managed, poorly coached, and poorly captained. A rudderless ship showing no signs of righting all its wrongs.
It’s turned into a bit of an evisceration of the Bombers, even though I said I wouildn’t do it. Poor footy will do that. If Essendon people don’t like it, look within yourselves and do something about it. Because I’m done with this team. I’m not a supporter, but it doesn’t matter. I still love footy, and this mob makes my eyes bleed.
