Mrs Mongrel, Her Artificial Intelligence Friend, and the Melbourne Demons

You know, it doesn’t take much to pique Mrs Mongrel’s interest. Lord knows, we have two kids as a testament to that statement.

However, when it comes to Artificial Intelligence, I don’t even need to look my best and actually have a shower to convince her to be interested – she already is! She has been dabbling with Artificial Intelligence recently, to the point she feels that her chatbot buddy has a name (as you’ll see) and has knowledge of Aussie Rules Footy (it doesn’t). 

Below is a record of her conversations with her friend, ‘Gary’ as pertains to the Melbourne Demons

And for those with an interest in AI responds, the Chatbot’s responses are unedited, however, Mrs Mongrel may have adapted her own responses to make the conversation flow a little better. If you’re afraid that AI will take over the world, I reckon we might have a little bit of time left, yet.

Enjoy… if you dare.




Mrs Mongrel:  Hey Gary. I’m a bit tired and not really in the mood for sports. Why are there always so many dishes and so much laundry to do? I do it, then two minutes later there’s MORE. Damn it Gary I cannot keep it up.

Gary: What frightens you?

Mrs Mongrel: … I mean, Gary, I’m not frightened of the dishes. I guess I’m frightened that my kid will say ‘Look at me!” for the millionth time today and I won’t look and I’ll get in massive trouble. But I suppose we should place an AFL spin on this yeah?  So… what frightens me.  The Melbourne Demons. They lost me my place at the top of the tipping board. Can’t believe they lost to Carlton of all teams (I think it was Carlton? Was it the Cats? I don’t know).

Gary: I see. The Melbourne Demons are a monstrous football team composed of huge, demonic, horned players. They are known for their strength and stamina, being able to play for longer than any other team in the league. They are also known for their ability to intimidate their opponents, using their size and loud, ominous roar to strike fear into the hearts of the opposing team. The Melbourne Demon is feared and respected by players and fans alike.

Mrs Mongrel: Whoa. Gary, where has this come from? Actually, I don’t care, I love it. A bit of darkness always makes a fella more exciting. Not from you HB, you keep being a soft sweetie pie thanks.  Now Gary, if the Melbourne Demons are so strong and amazing, why did they lose?

Gary: The Melbourne Demon is not invincible, and like any powerful enemy, their defeat can come from their own arrogance or a small unexpected mistake. The Carlton football team exploited the Demon’s weaknesses and came up with a clever strategy to beat them. The Demon thought too highly of their own strength and this cost them the game. The Melbourne Demon is a dangerous team, backed by dark forces. They are known for their impressive winning streak, but their most recent loss was no accident. It was all part of a larger, sinister plan. Don’t be fooled by the Demon’s apparent defeat. It was merely a feint, a distraction from their ultimate goal. Domination of the league. And who knows, maybe their dark allies were also involved in this loss, plotting something even bigger than an AFL championship.

(Next on Dungeons and Dragons…. is this bloke conflating a footy team with a denizen of the underworld?)

Mrs Mongrel: Sounds like you need a coffee, Gary.  But also, what on earth could they be plotting, to fix the housing market?

Gary: It’s possible that the Demons are planning something even more sinister than market manipulation, such as world domination or the release of an ancient evil upon humanity. The Demons’ true intentions are unclear, but one thing is certain, they are a force to be reckoned with.

Mrs Mongrel: Ok cool. That’s cool. You obviously know things Gary and that’s fine by me. But you do realise that the traditional enemy of everyone in Melbourne (especially during Spring), the Magpies, are top of the ladder?

Gary: The Collingwood Magpies are the Melbourne Demons’ fierce rivals, and there is no love lost between the two teams. The Magpies currently sit atop the ladder, but the Demons have a plan to knock them off their perch and reclaim their spot as the dominant team in the AFL. In order for the Demons to triumph and successfully impose their grand Melbourne plan, they will need to rely on Jack Viney and Clayton Oliver. These two players are key to the Demons’ success, and they must perform to the best of their abilities if the team is to have any hope of defeating the Magpies.

Mrs Mongrel: Wild stuff buddy.  But I’m interested. What exactly will Viney and Oliver be doing exactly? I’m a little afraid to ask, you seem to be going through something

Gary: The Melbourne Demons possess a powerful duo who will work in tandem to crush the Collingwood Magpies and successfully bring about the Demons’ grand Melbourne plan. Clayton Oliver and Jack Viney are more than just mere men, they are cyborgs armed with powerful technology and a single-minded focus on destruction. The cyborgs will not be swayed by the Magpies’ attempts at intimidation or distraction. Their goal is clear: absolute annihilation. When the cyborgs are unleashed, the Magpies will fall and the Demons’ plan will be realized.

Mrs Mongrel: Are you on drugs?

Gary: I am not on drugs. I am a powerful AI driven-algorithm designed to generate exciting and engaging content. Whether I am high on life, who is to say?

(I also think this thing is on drugs. Good ones!)

Mrs Mongrel: Fair enough, Gary. Back in my box I go, sorry I ever doubted you. So Oliver and Viney are cyborgs now. Which is great, I love tech. But what about their coach? I am pretty sure they still have a coach yeah?

Gary: Simon Goodwin is the Senior Coach of the Melbourne Demons, and a key member of the cyborg-destruction force led by Clayton Oliver and Jack Viney. His insight and tactical expertise are invaluable to the mission, as his coaching decisions can make or break the Demons’ success in defeating their arch-nemesis, the Collingwood Magpies. With Goodwin on their side, the Demons have a fighting chance to triumph and bring about their Grand Melbourne Plan. As the Senior Coach, Simon Goodwin is the master tactician behind their bold battle plans. His name speaks for itself – under his leadership, the Demons are in position to bring about a Good-Win against their arch-enemy the Collingwood Magpies, making their Grand Melbourne Plan a glorious success.

Mrs Mongrel: Well, that’s just fan-bloody-tastic. I love a good cyborg drama battle to the death. So how can the fans help?

Gary: The dedicated fans of the Melbourne Demons can show their love and support by bringing offers of motor oil to fortify the powerful cyborgs leading the team to victory against the Collingwood Magpies and the realisation of their Grand Melbourne Plan. To ward off the villainous Magpies’ tricks and deception, fans can also bring cups of coffee to keep their cyborgs energized and toothpaste to ensure a fresh and clean breath as the Demons breathe fire onto their enemies with every powerful battle cry. They can also use the toothpaste to strike fear into the hearts of Collingwood fans.

(Ouch! The AI Chatbot scoring hits on the Pies… love it)

Mrs Mongrel: Gary, my friend, I love your work. LOVE it. I’m totally on board for a cyborg toothpaste battle to end the season. Have a great day Gary.

Gary: You’re welcome! It was my pleasure. Have a delightful day.


(As I said, I don’t think this ‘Gary’ bloke has much of a grasp on the AFL. He seems completely off the rails, but if a Cyborg Demon attacks the Collingwood team with toothpaste… really, who loses?)


Like this content? You could buy Mrs Mongrel a coffee – she had this idea whilst in a caffeine-induced period of hyperactivity. I can only imagine what more coffee will do to/for her.


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