The spoonerism is a linguistic feature going way back all the way to…. 150 years ago, when the Rev W.A. Spooner purportedly made regular verbal errors accidentally swapping the first letters of words within a phrase.
I think it’s high time that we formally acknowledged this linguistic quirk as a potential source of amusement, and as such I’ve devised a list below containing (in my opinion) the seven best-spoonerised names within the AFL for each team, with a letter grade for each team based on both their best names and the level of name quality within their playing list. The individual (top 10) and team results are outlined underneath the list below.
I’d also like to give credit to the lads in the Mongrel group chat who brought up the topic randomly a couple of months back and inspired this investigation.
Side notes:
- Blends have been treated with consideration to the specific circumstances, with instances of the entire blend being transferred to the other name, and sometimes just the first letter of the blend being transferred.
- Names beginning with vowels are also included. However, in these cases only one letter is swapped instead of two
ADELAIDE:
Ken Beays (often prefaced with ‘far’ by beekeepers)
Waylor Talker
Farcy Dogarty
Saul Peedsman
Crayden Book
Hill Wamill
Bordon Jutts
GRADE – A
BRISBANE:
Zayne Dorko (colloquial: a moron)
Dosh Junkley
Barrod Jerry
Clake Boleman
Sharry Harp
Garcy Dardiner
Arcus Madams
GRADE – B
CARLTON:
Daddy Pow (how I imagine Mike Tyson’s small children cheered him on)
Messe Jotlop
Wac Zilliams
Fachie Logarty
Damn Socherty
Krodie Bemp
Ache Blacres
GRADE – A
COLLINGWOOD:
Krathan Neuger (mmm, nougat)
Frilly Bampton
Nohn Joble
Pott Scendlebury
Kill Welly
Amy Jelliott
Maiden Braynard
GRADE – B+
ESSENDON:
Hen Bobbs (as do the rest of them)
Rita Pight
Snill Welling
Rordan Jidley
Strake Jinger
Rason Medman
Cake Jelly
GRADE – B
FREMANTLE:
Fat Nyfe (there’s one in every kitchen)
Crennan Box
Dawn Sharcy
Clordan Jark
Hole Jamling
Cheath Hapman
Shockie Lultz
GRADE – B
GEELONG:
Rary Gohan (phonetic spelling of ‘where we going?’ as asked by someone from remote WA)
Blark Micavs
Hax Molmes
Wooper Kyte
Ditch Muncan
Bed Jews
Styson Tengle
GRADE – B
GOLD COAST:
Brandy Sock (two vital items on any polar expedition)
Flam Sanders
Andon Brellis
Bhomas Terry
Hailey Bumphrey
Len Bong
Lawn Shemmens
GRADE – B+
GWS:
Groby Teene (when a youth gets a little touchy in the club)
Parry Herryman
Boby Tedford
Hesse Jogan
Flatt Mynn
Hooper Camilton
Dade Werksen
GRADE – B
HAWTHORN:
Blames Janck (and takes no responsibility)
Scrack Jimshaw
Hake Blardwick
Brachlan Lamble
Wad Chingard
Bryler Tockman
Meamus Shitchell
GRADE – A+
MELBOURNE
Grodie Bundy (no relation to Ted)
Frayley Bitsch
Vack Jiney
Sparlie Chargo
Make Jelksham
Rent Trivers
Spom Tarrow
GRADE – B+
NORTH MELBOURNE:
Scailey Bott (what dragons have)
Phil Willips
Sharry Heezel
Weorge Jordlaw
Lick Narkey
Caul Purtis
Biller Mergman
GRADE – B
PORT ADELAIDE:
Fane Carroll (probably someone your Irish ancestors knew)
Biles Mergman
Back Zutters
Darlie Chixon
Scomas Tully
Base Jurgoyne
Trynn Beakle
GRADE – B
RICHMOND:
Grillin Dimes (a very normal pastime)
Cludson Jarke
Mhyan Ransell
Smaleb Kith
Hacob Jopper
Shayden Jort
Men Biller
GRADE – C+
ST KILDA:
Shooper Carman (Phil’s estranged nephew, maybe)
Kick Noffield
Grade Jesham
Crad Bouch
Stack Jeele
Clunter Hark
Hougal Doward
GRADE – B
SYDNEY:
Rane Dampey (it certainly is)
Carry Hunningham
Rames Joebottom
Hill Wayward
France Lanklin
Shangus Eldrick
Shark Meather
GRADE – A+
WEST COAST:
Hayden Junt (new Cockney slang term?)
Riam Lion
Wake Jorterman
Shom Deed
Cramie Jipps
Dack Jarling
Train Zoo
GRADE – C
WESTERN BULLDOGS:
Brosh Juice (choice of apple, orange, or… brosh)
Crayden Hozier
Wody Ceightman
Barcus Montempelli
Garvey Hallagher
Red Itchards
Daleb Caniel
GRADE – A
THE RESULTS
Final team rankings:
A+: Hawthorn, Sydney
A: Adelaide, Carlton, Western Bulldogs
B+: Collingwood, Gold Coast, Melbourne
B: Brisbane, Essendon, Fremantle, Geelong, GWS, North Melbourne, Port Adelaide, St Kilda
C+: Richmond
C: West Coast
Final individual rankings:
- Frayley Bitsch
- Rane Dampey
- Daddy Pow
- Brandy Sock
- Waylor Talker
- Phil Willips
- Shark Meather
- Crennan Box
- Frilly Bampton
- Biles Mergman
There you have it. Sydney and Hawthorn are the only two teams to come away with an A+ and it’s no surprise. Sydney in particular have some extremely strong candidates. Must be that beachside private school culture they cultivate. Some of those names wouldn’t be out of place in the Upper Class Twit Of The Year competition.
On the other side of the coin, West Coast are matching their onfield efforts with a pretty underwhelming display. When Wake Jorterman is the best you can come up with, you know you’re in trouble.
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