Got some drawers that are a bit stuck?.Like to get them sliding?
Terrible intro, I know, but I have a headache
Here are the Sliding Drawers from Jimmy Ayres this week.
Adelaide
If…
You’re an avid follower of patterns…
Then…
The Crows’ L-W-L-W-L-W pattern of the past six weeks dictates a loss to Collingwood this week as a certainty.
Brisbane
If…
Brisbane can’t win games outside of Queensland…
Then…
It’s time to blame the VicBias.
Carlton
If…
The wins are going to continue from here on out…
Then…
It’s been a fun ride for the past 9 weeks. Myself, and all other talk-back radio listeners thank and salute the Carlton faithful for their service during this time.
Collingwood
If…
The Magpies win in Round 15…
Then…
They’ll bounce back from not winning in Round 14.
Essendon
If…
The Giants can roll Fremantle by 70 points….
Then…
Bombers should be able to beat them in Perth. Right…..?
Fremantle
If…
You predicted GWS as your side’s worst loss of the season…
Then…
You should do an internship under me at my Austrology observatory.
Geelong
If…
You thought Jeremy Cameron was going to kick 100 goals this season…
Then…
Call me Bad News Barrett, because I’m afraid I have some bad news for you.
Gold Coast
If…
There was a more Suns-like result than losing a game when everyone has once again warmed up to your side, and begun to predict your continued rise into a maiden finals berth..
Then…
I can’t really think of one.
GWS
If…
Anyone asks why Josh Kelly was so emphatically described as a Rolls Royce early in his career…
Then…
His game against the Dockers will adequately explain why.
Hawthorn
If…
Hawthorn weren’t tanking…
Then…
Why didn’t they win on the weekend?
Melbourne
If..
The snowfall at Mt. Buller continues at its current progression…
Then…
Commentators may finally stop asking why Melbourne fans aren’t showing up to watch their team play.
North Melbourne
If…
The Kangaroos just keep Ratten as their coach and pretend Clarko never happened…
Then…
Do you think anyone will notice?
Port Adelaide
If…
Anyone has heard from Warren Treadra in regards to Ken Hinkley’s position in recent weeks…
Then…
Please supply him with a decent blanket – his take would have to be one of the coldest of the season.
Richmond
If…
Dimma takes over coaching at Gold Coast (as definitely prophesied by Caroline Wilson)…
Then…
Expect Trent Cotchin to start pricing up apartments in Fortitude Valley.
St Kilda
If…
You think Jack Billings is a fair trade for West Coast’s inevitable #1 Draft Pick…
Then…
Please apply for a job in the AFL trade media landscape. Please.
Sydney
If…
Everyone who shot me down when I merely mentioned the stats and figures of teams comprehensively beaten in Grand Finals’ chances of making the top eight again the following season, let alone winning a final, could politely check in with me..
Then…
I have a few cups of gentle reminders to come your way.
West Coast
If…
Seeing Harley Reid’s highlights this season are making you excited for the future…
Then…
You’d better start envisioning him in a perennial moon boot or doing midyear primary school appearances with Nic Nat – such is the injury curse currently at West Coast.
Western Bulldogs
If…
You really admired Weightman’s six goals on the weekend…
Then….
You’ll be sad to know that he’s the third greatest ‘Flea’ to be born in Victoria; behind Dale Weightman and the Bassist of Red Hot Chilli Peppers.
And this one’s for the AFL….
If…
You think that we can’t see your progression of the game into ‘touch footy’ rules…
Then…
You’re sadly mistaken.
Like this free content? You could buy Jimmy a beer, or a coffee, or something to trim his nasal hair as a way to say thanks. He’ll be a happy camper.
