There have been controversies every year in the AFL, and really, we only get a snippet of what goes on behind closed doors when it comes to how they’re handled.
In an effort to be offer transparency to the public, The Mongrel Punt have done some meticulous research (in our imaginations) and have in our possession return letters from the ALF Commission to players, coaches, and officials, who have complained about what they believe has been harsh punishment.
Over the coming weeks, we will be posting these highly-sensitive, and not-at-all fraudulent or fictional correspondence for your reading pleasure.
This one is dated the 4th October, 2024.
Dear Mr Longmire,
Thank you for your recent correspondence and… interesting ideas pertaining to the reduced length of the AFL season. It was quite an enlightening read, and one that as dominated conversation for several days within the Commission.
That said, at this time, we are unable to simply stop the season after the Preliminary Final and award both teams premierships. Although your points are valid, and reducing the wear and tear on players’ bodies is important, we cannot just end the season a week earlier without crowning one premier.
As it stands, I understand that implementing your idea would benefit the Sydney Swans greatly, considering your own abysmal 1-4 coaching record in the games following the Preliminary Final, however, the football season is designed to reward one winner – not two – every season.
May I suggest that both you and your team not completely shit the bed every time you play the final game of the season? This seems like a step that will ensure that you don’t have to campaign for the season to end after a Prelim, and we don’t have to watch your supporters ending up gutted again after you fall over at the final hurdle, barely giving a yelp.
In addition, I particularly enjoyed your picture of both Callum Mills and his Brisbane counterparts smiling and happily “sharing” the premiership cup, but at this time, it is not an idea we’re looking at implementing.
Yours Sincerely
Jack Mehoff
Chairperson of the ALF Commission*
PS – I spoke to Paul Roos during the week. He tells me that Bloods Culture isn’t something that ends on the second-last Saturday in September. Tuck that one away for 2025.
*The ALF Commission is not affiliated with the Australian Football League. In fact, it was founded to discuss the merits of re-releasing 1980s television series, ALF. What a great show! However, they do maintain an interest in AFL Football, and will respond when
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