ROUND FIVE
It’s Gather Round and The Prophet is late to the party. He’s been so focused on reading the tea leaves that he forgot about daylight savings and is now playing catch up. As the footy world descends upon Adelaide, the Prophet has been consulting those who he consults to channel the biggest stories out of this weekend.
Be forewarned, while I am the Mongrel Punt’s resident oracle for all things AFL, I hold no liability for your bad betting and using my predictions in your multis. So, please, gamble responsibly.
So, strap yourselves in for the Prophet’s Predictions for Round Five.
The Guarantee
If this were on-time, there’d have been something about the Crows getting looked after by the umpires after being the victims of grand larceny last week. Alas, the umpires had no idea all night.
The new guarantee: after losing the plot on Thursday Night and calling 25 metre kicks “not 15” the subsequent games don’t see this fixated upon. Bring on the inconsistency!
The Ultimate Nightmare (Worst Case Scenario)
Carlton go 0-5. I’m doubling down on Carlton after last week. There is SURELY no chance that they lose to West Coast, who, via their team selection, are already tanking. With Harry McKay back from his sabbatical, the Blues absolutely MUST win this game. The worst case? Should they lose, the club should fold. There will be no coming back for any of them. If they lose, as an added guarantee, Tom De Koning will publicly say he’s leaving next week.
The Outsider (unexpected winner)
I can’t bring myself to tip them, but it’d be peak Essendon to lose to the diabolically shambolic Melbourne. So, take this however you want. I cannot, with any sense of sanity, tip Melbourne. However, can we ever have complete confidence in Essendon? A battle of mediocrity is ready to unfold.
The Money Maker (Bold Call)
The Saints have produced some fantastic footy and the Ross the Boss is showing that he at least has a little bit of attacking footy in mind! They will test the Giants on the spread, and while I expect the Giants to have too much offensive fire-power, I’m backing Jack Higgins and Mitch Owens to combine for 8+ goals.
Essential Result (Must Win)
The Suns hung on last week, courtesy of umpires on the take. Yes, I said what I said. Coming into Gather Round undefeated, they take on a side with a percentage of 48 in Gather Round. This might seem weird to have the Suns, who are red hot at the moment, facing a Must win. In recent years, they’d lose this. If they have actually matured, then the Suns absolutely, unequivocally, must win this game.
The thing that may disrupt is if the umpires balance out last week. Something something karma is a … well, Dimma might find out.
Hopefully, the umpiring isn’t a factor if the Suns fail to live up to the hype.
Most at Stake (Vulnerable)
The Power from Port and whether their coach is Kenough. The Pear have never lost during Gather Round, and Hokball have never won. Given the spice of their last encounter and the current form of both sides, if the Power cannot respond under Sunday Night lights, then stick a fork in Ken Hinkley.
I am hoping we get a Jack Ginnivan plane goal celebration that leads to a brawl. Maybe that’ll wake up the Power.
On a separate note, after his comments about the city of Adelaide last week, Jack ‘Snags’ Higgins needs to show up this week.
The Must Watch (match up or game)
Given we’ve already had match of the round, it’s hard to maintain interest now. (I jest … sort of). Friday Night Footy is very intriguing. The Swans found a little bit of form last week – namely thanks to Riley Bice, and nobody can tell me any different. While the Pies continue to try and prove everyone wrong.
Both are undefeated at Gather Round and will want to continue this trend. A win keeps the Swans in touch, while a Pies win sees them hang around the top four. I’ll take a punt on the Swans, namely because anytime the Pies lose is good for the soul of Australian Football.
The Unexpected (underdog performance)
As a Victorian, I always back in the VFL over the SANFL. I am nothing, if not parochial for my country, my state, and my football teams. However, in the annual SANFL v VFL showdown, the SANFL team usually has our number. Here’s to the Big V bucking the trend and compounding the emotions surrounding the Cats rolling the Crom last night right in front of them.
It’s a Big Weekend For …
Wine in the Barossa. With a game of footy heading to wine country, and the weather perfect for a bev or ten, the wine will be flowing. For the sake of the Barossa, I hope they are providing their best and that while the wine is enjoyed, we don’t get post-event scenes reminiscent of schoolies week (also known as the Melbourne Cup).
The Don (player of the round)
The biggest contention I had during the week for my Rolling AA Team was the omission of Caleb Serong. So, to make myself look even more incompetent, I’ll make him my player of the round. 30+ disposals, 10+ clearances, and 3 goals. You make the AA team without that, Caleb.
The Underboss (rookie of the round)
I’m really excited to see what Cooper Hynes can do at the Dogs. There’s been some big wraps on him, and he looks like he’s got a bit of mongrel in him, which is always a good addition to any team (just look at Tom Atkins).
Individual Brilliance (predicting a stat accomplishment like x goals or marks)
The Lions have a percentage North of 200 at Gather Round, and the Dogs haven’t won in this round. So, you’d Expect a Lions win. Their hybrid mid-forwards are dynamic, so, I’m backing Zac Bailey, Cameron Rayner, and Kai Lohmann to combine for 8+ goals.
The Winners (currently on 23; last week 5)
Adelaide
Sydney
Gold Coast
Carlton
Brisbane Lions
Essendon
Fremantle
Greater Western Sydney
Port Adelaide
These predictions were made with all team lists available and a game late – that’s on me. Drop us your thoughts in the comments and stay tuned over the coming weeks to see how the Prophet goes with his predictions.
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