Normally, I don’t review Hawthorn games. I find it difficult to take the game in as a whole, and I spend the entire time barracking, which I think is understandable. However, when this game needed someone to give you, our illustrious readers, a play-by-play account of what happened, I thought stuff it! Let’s give them an actual minute-by-minute (not literally) story of the game.
I was inspired by Geelong-mad Nick Sluggett, who has done two of these while watching his beloved Cats from the renovated grandstands of GMHBA Stadium.
But there’s a problem there. Long-time Mongrel readers will know that I am a South Australian, and HB didn’t give me the company credit card so I could fly over to Melbourne, stay at the Presidential suite at Crown Towers, and review the game from the comfort of a corporate box at the MCG. It’s for the reader HB!
So here I am, in my lounge room on a partly cloudy Sunday afternoon in Adelaide. And this is Hawthorn vs. Richmond, live and as it happens. The food is cheap, the booze is even cheaper, and this will be about as one-sided as I’ll ever get. Don’t say you weren’t warned.
Oh, and one other thing. These times will be in ACST. The game starts at 2:50 pm over here, just to clear up any confusion.
PRE-GAME
2:43 pm: Ariarne Titmus is on my screen. God, she’s good. A champion swimmer supporting a champion team. No wonder she’s won so many gold medals.
2:46 pm: Need a drink. To the fridge!
2:47 pm: Starting with a Coke No Sugar. Alcohol will come later. Might have also grabbed a cheeky snack to get me going. Cheddar Shapes are the peak flavour, don’t let anyone tell you different. Also, a quick check of the other game. Dogs 111, Roos 29. Sam Darcy will be a star, if he isn’t already. My Dogs supporting mate will be loving life right now.
FIRST QUARTER
2:50 pm: Bounce down. Go Hawks!
2:52 pm: First goal Richmond. It couldn’t happen, could it? Nankervis, Prestia, and Broad all involved. The experienced bodies could be a problem for us.
2:54 pm. Brilliant pressure Duke Newcombe! And a steadying goal to go with it.
2:55 pm: You’d never have thought it two years ago, but Conor Nash is so important to our midfield. Duke and Worpel don’t have the biggest bodies going around, so to have a genuine 95kg (I’m guessing) midfielder at the coalface is fantastic.
2:57 pm: Beautiful football! Intercept mark from Scrimshaw, and a checkside goal from 2024 All-Australian Dylan Moore. We’ve settled, I’m ok now.
2:58 pm: Having said that, we are still a little sloppy. Need to tidy things up if we want to do anything in September.
2:59 pm: GUNNERS!
3:00 pm: Glad to have you back in our forward line Gunners!
3:01 pm: OH GOD NO! Will Day favouring his shoulder after some friendly fire. I feel sick.
3:02 pm: Another goal, this time it’s Amon, but I’m concerned. Very concerned. Breust already warming up. Not Will Day. Anyone but Will Day.
3:05 pm: This is going to get ugly. You can’t fault Richmond’s effort, but it’s six goals to one, and we’re not even halfway through the quarter. It’s just supreme ball movement, and the Tigers don’t have any answers. I don’t want to sound arrogant and put the cart before the horse, but you’ve got to feel sorry for Adem Yze.
3:06 pm: I’m running out of adjectives. Mackenzie, to Macdonald, to Worpel, and in 15 seconds, we’ve got our seventh.
3:07 pm: Day subbed out. I really hope it’s nothing serious. I’m praying. And I’m not religious.
3:10 pm: Seamus Mitchell currently at 25 disposals and nine marks just after half-time in the VFL. So, there’s the Day replacement for next week.
3:13 pm: Will Day off to hospital, potentially a collarbone injury. Why, football gods, why?
3:15 pm: Gotta re-focus, what’s happened has happened. Nick Watson gets his first. This kid is growing on me. He still hasn’t yet earned the Wizard nickname, but he’s getting there.
3:17 pm: Brilliant from Watson and Ginnivan. Smother from Watson, holding the ball tackle from Ginnivan. Shame Ginni couldn’t put it on the scoreboard.
3:22 pm: Calsher!
3:22 pm: Quarter time. Hawthorn 9.3.57, Richmond 1.1.7. 50 points up. I can’t believe it. You’ll see why at the end of this piece.
SECOND QUARTER
3:29 pm: Second quarter: Keep it going, Hawks!
3:31 pm: Goal to Shai Bolton. He’s such a good player when in full flight, do the Tigers keep him and build a forward line around him, or sell him to a WA club for a high price to supercharge their rebuild? These are critical decisions, given Tasmania is looming large on the horizon.
3:33 pm: Much better start from Richmond. Their pressure is fiercer, and they look better with their ball movement. Hopefully, they can keep it up for a while, for their fans’ sake. Mabior Chol kicks Hawthorn’s 10th goal as I am writing this entry.
3:36 pm: Bit silly from Jack Graham. He gives a 50m penalty away on a high forearm to Mackenzie’s head, and Cam kicks the 11th. Could this be Graham’s last game in yellow and black?
3:40 pm: Cam Mackenzie down to the rooms for a HIA. That result will mean a lot to Graham.
3:43 pm: Calsher again! I love this kid!
3:47 pm: Noah Balta with two in a row. Build the forward line around him, what star he’ll be.
3:53 pm: Ripping goal from Hugo Ralphsmith. That’s three in a row for the Tigers. Come on, Hawks, don’t let them back in!
4:01 pm: Half time. Hawthorn 12.6.78 vs. Richmond 6.5.41. Good response from the Tigers. Given how this absurd season has played out, I can’t say I’m completely comfortable with this.
4:02 pm: Time to fold the washing and grab some snacks. I’ve opened a packet of Tim Tams and a block of chocolate (Cadbury Dairy Milk Velvet. Highly recommend).
THIRD QUARTER
4:21 pm: We’re back. Keep the foot on the throat boys!
4:26 pm: Where’s the slingshot run that has been the trademark of our resurgence? We’re far too safe, and it’s playing right into Richmond’s hands.
4:28 pm: Third goal to Gunston. I know it’s a big enough margin, but I’m breathing a little easier now.
4:32 pm: Great mark from Jacob Bauer! Shame the kick wasn’t great, but Bolton’s pressure was, and Richmond gets another goal.
4:36 pm: Lloyd Meek makes such a huge difference to our team. I know that’s not exactly breaking news, but It’s worth mentioning again.
4:37 pm: I’m not happy right now, but that means that if you’re a Tigers fan reading this, you should be very happy with your team. There’ll be lots of pain, but my goodness they play with a lot of hunger.
4:40 pm: Very sloppy stuff this quarter. Lot of lessons to come from this game. Lessons, not learnings. God I hate that word.
4:43 pm: How was there no HTB call on Ralphsmith? He was gone twice!
4:44 pm: Seriously average stuff. Margin back to 34 points. Wake the f**k up, Hawthorn!
4:46 pm: Back to 40 points. Thanks, Toby.
4:47 pm: Bolton is in the middle. I like that tactic. Gives the Tigers some spark.
4: 48 pm: WIZARD! Oops, got caught up in the emotion. Great goal Watson. Keep it up, kid!
4:50 pm: Three-Quarter Time. Hawthorn 15.11.101, Richmond 8.6.54. Plucky quarter from the Tigers, we were really tested there.
4:52 pm: Back to the fridge for more refreshments. Somersby Pear Cider it is!
FOURTH QUARTER
4:57 pm: Big last quarter ahead. Give it all for 30 minutes, Hawkers!
4:59 pm: He’s quickly earning the nickname! Brilliant snapping goal from Watson, his third for the game. Mitchell coaching from the bench, after it worked for Yze since the second term. I like it. Direct feedback straight away.
5:04 pm: We’re not seriously booing Jacob Koschitzke are we? Come on guys, we’re far better than that. He’s gone to another team to get more opportunities at the top level. Good on him.
5:07 pm: Absolutely brilliant Calsher! I just love his attack on the ball in flight. And he pushes the shot on goal wide and short. Damn.
5:09 pm: Goal to Graham. Enjoy it while it lasts.
5:10 pm: I’ve just seen on the AFL app that Scrimshaw is off injured as well. We’re looking good for the win today, but at what cost?
5:14 pm: Massimo D’Ambrosio deserves an AA jacket as well. Beautiful ball use all day today, and Watson’s fourth of the game is all thanks to Mass. And he hits the post. My fault. I penned it in before he’d kicked it.
5:15 pm: Newcombe is down now as well. Hope he’s just winded. This is getting very concerning for a potential finals tilt.
5:16 pm: It was all a ruse! Duke gets it in a chain, straight down to Gunston, and we’re back out to nine goals up. Newcombe comes off, and into the bubble wrap he goes.
5:18 pm: Broken finger for Scrimshaw. Get him a Travis Cloke glove, he’ll be right.
5:19 pm: Five for Gunners!
5:20 pm: Jacob Hopper selling so much candy he could drive Willy Wonka out of business.
5:23 pm: Why is Newcombe back out there? We’ve already lost one midfielder, we can’t afford to lose another one!
5:25 pm: If Calsher Dear isn’t rewarded with a Rising Star nomination this week, I will, in the words of Terry Wallace, spew up!
5:27 pm: Breust misses on the siren.
Final score: Hawthorn 19.17.131 d. Richmond 10.8.68
WRAP-UPS:
HAWTHORN:
I’m honestly having a really hard time with this season. I came into it thinking we’d finish bottom. And that was fine with me. We’re still rebuilding, so I knew some more pain was to come. So it’s taken me a long time to get comfortable with the fact that amazingly, my team might actually be good again. How has this all happened so quickly? No wonder opposition supporters can’t stand us. It’s why I can’t stand Geelong. Anyway, to the wrap-ups.
After such a blistering opening quarter, Hawthorn took their foot slightly off the gas, and to their credit, the Tigers gave everything they had to get back into the game. Put simply, the Hawks did what they had to do. Losing Will Day to a broken collarbone, and Jack Scrimshaw to a broken finger will hurt in the long run, but the Hawks showed that their best is good enough to beat any team. Sure, they only did it in bursts today, and looked sloppy for more of the game than the coaching staff would like, but good teams win ugly, and that’s mostly what Hawthorn did today.
I had Jai Newcombe as best on ground, even if he was involved in the Day incident. He led Hawthorn’s midfield superbly with 33 disposals and showed his toughness by coming back onto the ground late in the game when he really didn’t have to. Massimo D’Ambrosio, Jack Gunston, Dylan Moore, and James Worpel were also excellent, and there were no passengers at all. Everyone played their role, and it was an overall brilliant team victory.
RICHMOND:
No one expected Richmond to get close to the Hawks, and while at face value they didn’t, they gave Hawthorn a much tougher test than they were expecting. At quarter time, I feared for their supporters, as they looked all at sea, with a 20-goal belting seeming inevitable. But credit to the young team, they picked themselves up off the canvas, and at one stage in the third quarter, were a goal or two away from seriously challenging the Hawks. I hope Richmond fans are walking away pleased (or as pleased as you can be in a 10-goal defeat), because you can see that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Critical decisions will need to be made on Daniel Rioli, Jack Graham, and Shai Bolton, but if they get it right, the future could look very bright, quicker than expected.
I thought Toby Nankervis was Richmond’s best, followed by Nick Vlastuin, Jack Ross, and Daniel Rioli. Noah Balta needs help up forward, and he’ll get it soon with Tom Lynch, and down the track with Mykelti Lefau. They’ll also need to sort out Nankervis’ replacement. But everything else looks ok, as long as they attack this year’s draft with the same vigour they showed for the middle parts of today’s game.
5:51 pm: That’s all from me, I hope you enjoyed the ramblings, live from my lounge room. Now, what to have for dinner? Hello, Domino’s Pizza? I’d like to place an ord, sorry, what was that? Sure, I’ll hold.
