Jimmy Atmyres is back with the Round Five edition of the Drawers.
Adelaide
If…
You thought the conspiracy theory of Ben and Harry McKay being the same person was a doozy…
Then…
The current speculation that Owen Fore is currently playing out at Adelaide, Hawthorn, North Melbourne and West Coast, is simply absurd.
Brisbane
If…
Facing and going down to the side that beat you in last year’s Grand Final was traumatic enough early on in the season…
Then…
Walking back on to the MCG for what may be one of the only times this season, should have been just as bad. I guess someone forgot to tell the Lions aboit the MCG hoodoo?.
Carlton
If…
You were true to yourselves…
Then…
After last week’s game, you would have sung ‘we are the old, light navy whites’.
Collingwood
If…
There was quite an interesting quandary last week…
Then…
It was who does the AFL at large hate more – Brayden Maynard or Jack Ginnivan. Results came down to the wire.
Essendon
If…
You’re starting to get your hopes up…
Then…
Wait a week. This Bombers outfit is the Jekyll and Hyde of the AFL.
Fremantle
If…
You thought Carlton fans in Adelaide were hostile last week…
Then…
Wait til you see the Port Adelaide ones from there!
Geelong
If…
Sending the Kangaroos to the Cattery is akin to anything…
Then…
I see it largely resembling those videos where they drop a small mouse into the enclosure of a large python.
Gold Coast
If…
The search for Soul at Marvel came up short…
Then…
I’m actually very interested to see how the undertaken search has gone thus far in Ballarat and Mt Barker.
GWS
If…
You mix Greene and Brown on a colour palette…
Then…
Apparently, you get Forest Green. On the footy field, though, you get eight goals.
Hawthorn
If…
One strange occurrence was finally broken last week…
Then…
It was a team not kicking accurately against the Hawks. Bizarre numbers over the first three games.
Melbourne
If..
Justice was to be served…
Then…
It would have been Dayne Zorko pushing the envelope a little too far with Steven May this week – instead, it was Noah Answerth cashing in on the emotional history between these two teams.
North Melbourne
If…
You’re grasping for something – anything….
Then…
Those ‘green shoots’ are starting to emerge. You know which animal, ironically, loves feeding on fresh, green shoots? Kangaroos.
Port Adelaide
If…
You hadn’t read between the lines properly…
Then…
The f-word that Jeremy Finlayson used as an insult to an Essendon player wasn’t ‘Finals’.
Richmond
If…
Dusty Martin lines up on Harley Reid for even one second…
Then…
The Western Australian media will have an absolute field day. Guaranteed.
St Kilda
If…
Ross Lyon wishes to continue his transition into legendary coaching status, alongside the likes of Kevin Sheedy and Mick Malthouse with his bizarre press conferences and references to Aliens…
Then…
A premiership or two would alongside the absurdity would certainly help further those credentials.
Sydney
If…
The Bye comes at a good time for anyone…
Then…
It might just be for the fella that hasn’t done a lot of walking since doing a lot of talking about another side doing a lot of talking and not a lot of walking.
West Coast
If…
I ran out of gaga to write about West Coast a long time ago…
Then…
It’s time to put that aside and commend them for the effort last week. That’s it. There’s no punchline. This is genuine acknowledgement.
Western Bulldogs
If…
There was ever a game that should be a walk in the park…
Then….
It’s was this week. What happened?
And this one’s for the AFL….
If…
Whatever. I’ve taken enough potshots at you guys this season. Have a Bye, on me.
Then…