Tis the Day Before Christmas…
What is on the Christmas Wishlist for every AFL team this year? That which will bring them and their supporters’ good tidings for the year 2024.
It’s only 75 days until hostilities begin so let’s see what Christmas Miracle is needed at your club for the battles to come.
Adelaide Crows
As the Crows closed in on a top 8 spot last season only an errant goal umpiring decision thwarted their attempt at September glory with one of the biggest howlers of all time. Errant is really a friggin understatement, it was utterly deplorable (this is a PG article, so I will hold back).
So, the Crows are asking Santa for the ‘rub of the green’ next year, and for goal umpires who don’t need a guide dogs to officiate at their games.
Brisbane Lions
In 2023 Chris Fagan was very grumpy at times and his letter to Santa is, in kind, still grumpy.
Dear Santa,
Last year I asked for a fair crack at the finals and while I thought it was all going to plan when, without notice, you ruined my year and that of my players and our loyal supporters by allowing a player to have his head ripped off his shoulders in the last seconds of the Grand Final without awarding a free. It was right in front of three bloody umpires.
Blind Freddy could see it was a free kick, all except an AFL which was determined the Pies would win the flag.
You gutted me this year, so I ask for nothing this year you rotten old codger – from all at Brisbane, go and get stuffed you rotten to the core Victorian Santa.
Yours,
Chris Fagan
Carlton Blues
Michael Voss, Crippa, Harry, and the boys have asked Santa for that ‘X’ factor that will see them continue their rise up the ladder and lead their supporters to the Promised Land.
A simple but elusive request which has been missing at Carlton since the heady days of 1995 when a young Kouta had a blinder of a final series and lead his merry men to a Granny win which to this day still has the ‘X’ factor about it.
That ‘X’ factor has been missing at Princess Park ever since that day in 1995 and Voss wants it back and Crippa wants to be the ‘man’.
Collingwood Magpies
Every day is Christmas if you barrack for the Pies, so what has Fly asked Santa for this year?
In his letter to Santa, Fly pointed out that he is real, and Santa is just make-believe. As far as Fly is concerned, he has delivered a Merry Christmas to all his flock of Magpie devotees and with a smile on face he has promised to continue the fairy tale well into 2024.
Essendon Bombers
The Bombers have asked Santa for the miracle of a ‘consistent season’ where they play true to form from one week to the next, and to ‘relieve the suffering’ of their long-suffering fans who seem to dominate every radio talk back show with their incessant moaning.
How can so many supporters from one club remain so angry for so long?
Fremantle Dockers
Dear Santa,
Our club seems to lack relevance, even in our home state of Western Australia. Seriously Santa, the Eagles fielded a WAFL team for most of the year, yet they still had more coverage than us.
I don’t know if it is our jumpers, my boring press conferences, or our predictability on the field, but I feel like nobody respects us. So, Santa, if you have a heart, give us a season of being the ‘It Team”.
We want to be the AFL ‘It Team’.
Yours in hope,
Justin Longmuir
Geelong Cats
Chris Scott was very straight forward with Santa and just asked for 2022 to repeat itself, or at the very least to make the finals again and prove the doomsayers wrong.
Gold Coast Suns
Here comes Dimma, there goes Mabior. In time I would love to find out the background of the fallout between Dimma and Mabior as it seems clear they don’t like each other, or at least each other’s style. Anyway, I digress,
All that glitters is gold, so the saying goes, and the brains trust at the Gold Coast have asked Santa that this new beginning under Dimma (and the draft) is not a fool’s gold, and finally they muster enough wins to make the finals and become a powerhouse.
The Suns winning the flag in 2024 would be the ultimate ‘Miracle of Christmas’.
Greater Western Sydney Giants
Green on Greene is the Christmas theme at the Giants this year and they have asked Santa that the Green/e boys keep leading the club closer and closer to their elusive first ever Flag.
Santa has been very kind and very cruel to the Giants over the years.
The Big Big Sound have exceeded all expectations for a club so young, yet they have felt the cruelty of narrow and soul destroying exits after being so close to the Holy Grail they could almost smell the sweet smell of ultimate success.
(A side note here: I have a close friend from Vietnam who spent last winter here in Australia, and she fell in love with the Giants, mainly because of Toby Greene, Sam Taylor and the Cat Empire’s theme song, Big Big Sound. She is as one-eyed a supporter as any supporter could be, even after a mere season. It’s kinda true, our teams pick us, we don’t pick them.)
Hawthorn Hawks
The ‘poos and wees’, who after being Santa’s favourite from 2013 to 2015, must have been very naughty as they have not been in Santa’s good books ever since. In fact, if it could go wrong, it has gone wrong at Waverley Park, and the year 2023 was no exception as they finished very lowly on the ladder.
Sam Mitchell believes he is back in Santa’s good books, and he has been very good rebuilding a team and hopes Santa rewards him and his team in 2024 with some more wins.
Melbourne Demons
Simon Goodwin has asked Santa to keep the feral press and gossip mongers away from him, his players, and the club. I feel empathy for the Demons with all the media attacks that have emanated out of the oldest club in the competition and, especially the personal scrutiny and attacks on the Demon players.
In essence the Demons have asked Santa for a year where they fly totally under the radar (in all aspects of the game) until the last day in September where they are the story for all the right reasons.
North Melbourne Kangaroos
Alastair Clarkson is too tough to believe in Santa and he believes ‘hope’ is for ‘losers’, so Clarko can’t wait for the chance to put his own imprimatur on this team and lead the young Roos from the pits of despair to a place they can’t even dream of.
Port Adelaide Power
Ken Hinkley has begged Santa for a year where his job is not the subject of continued speculation, and he is given free rein to carry the club through the entirety of 2024 without sudden form losses and fragile September form.
The mob at Alberton are demanding Santa deliver them a Premiership (preferably wearing the ‘prison bar’ jumpers).
Richmond Tigers
Santa has delivered Yze to the Tiges and the Tiges Board are hoping he delivers them another meteoric rise back to the top of the Jungle.
To a Tiger, all their supporters have asked Santa that Dusty remains a Tiger for life and wins a fourth (even fifth) Premiership wearing the famous ‘Yellow and Black’.
Dusty on the other hand, has asked Santa that he has no media commitments all year and he is left alone to just play football – me thinks Santa may have trouble fulfilling this request.
Sydney Swans
A Sydney without Buddy is like a Christmas without Santa; however, the Swans reality is now life without Buddy and the charisma and character he brought to the club.
On the other hand, John Longmire likes it boring, and he has asked Santa to deliver him another successful game plan that will probably grate and bore the supporters of other clubs, annoy the hell out of AFL, and carry his team to another try at September glory.
Brodie Grundy has pleaded with Santa to play every game of the year and regain his mantle as one of the most dominant and feared rucks in the AFL again, while Taylor Adams has begged Santa to hold his body together for an entire season and for him to not miss out on anymore September action (he was the unluckiest player in the AFL in 2023).
St Kilda Saints
Ross Lyon has a asked Santa to repeat the successes (read the word ‘near’ here) he has had in the past in his second year of coaching a club, and give the Saints supporters something very rare at Moorabbin (or Seaford, or wherever they train now), that being success.
As far as the Saints Supporters go, their letter to Santa hasn’t changed since 1967, “please, please, Santa, we beg of you…… Please, please…..”
Western Bulldogs (aka Footscray)
Dear Santa,
We are a schizophrenic football club who have been suffering pain since 2016 when with a golden run of good form and karma we won the flag from the bottom half of the eight. Santa, that is the problem though, while each year we look like a certain top four team, we suffer inexplicable setbacks and always find ourselves in the lower reaches of the eight, or even worse, like this year, not even in the eight. 2016 was a miracle and we can’t keep depending on miracles.
Santa, we know we are good enough, the AFL world knows we are good enough, but somehow or another we seem to be our worst enemy and settle for mediocrity
Our request this year is a simple one, we humbly ask for a year where our frailties as a club don’t get the better of us and we rise above our shortcomings and for once deliver on the promise we possess for an entire season.
Yours,
Every Bulldog Supporter on the Planet (or off the planet).
West Coast Eagles
Gidday Santa,
You’ve had some fun with us over the last few years as we have played and looked like we belong in the bargain basement of the AFL on Boxing Day.
You do realise I was once a rather attractive man, without a care in the world, a Coaching Premiership Medal around my neck (by the way Santa, please rename the Medal for the Coach of the winning Grand Final team the Ron Barassi Medal in honour of the great man) and look at me now. I am a dishevelled caricature of my former myself and I have trouble recognising myself in the mirror such as been the toll on me physically since the Covid years and the long term effects it has had on me and my club.
So, Santa, I reckon you can do me a favour and give me and my club some redemption for the last few years of utter ruin. I’m not asking for a flag in 2024 (I see 2026 as our time), but I am asking not just for myself, but also our filthy rich membership base, that we start the rise up the podium again.
I mean, I would hate for us to lose our membership base and become a club like, well heaven forbid I even say it, but a club like the Dockers. Santa, I feel sick even saying it, so Santa, put us back where we belong and not amongst that rabble.
We’ve served our penitence.
Yours,
Adam Simpson
Eight days til our massive team-by-team season previews commence. The only way you get them all is with a Mongrel Membership.
