It’s that time of the week, again. Jimmy Ayres is playing around with his drawers again, and they are definitely sliding.
Adelaide
If…
Ben Keays could unclasp a bra as quickly as he unclipped Mason Cox’s goggles…
Then…
He best avoid partying around Jordan De Goey in the offseason.
Brisbane
If…
The Lions could play the MCG like they do Marvel Stadium…
Then…
Chris Fagan would likely have a few less grey hairs.
Carlton
If…
The club started a band called 999 Megabytes…
Then…
Paddy Dow still wouldn’t get a gig.
Collingwood
If…
Kane and Undertaker were the Brothers of Destruction in my era…
Then…
Josh and Nick Daicos will be for this current generation.
Essendon
If…
Like me, you ponder the great mysteries of the universe…
Then…
This week you’ll be asking yourself – Who really shot JFK? What else is happening in the world whilst we’re all distracted by the Titanic sub incident? And, what does Jake Kelly actually bring to this team?
Fremantle
–
If…
You were wondering why Sam Weideman wasn’t wearing a Fremantle jumper…
Then…
I was asking myself the same thing – because he certainly wasn’t playing for the Bombers.
Geelong
If…
There’s one thing that will take longer than any roadworks heading into the city…
Then…
It’s the rebuilding of the stands in GMHBA Stadium. If only the stadium were sponsored by a builder…
Gold Coast
If…
There’s one person in football I genuinely feel sympathy for…
Then…
It’s Stewie Dew. At this point, only a weekly win keeps the media wolves away from his door.
GWS
If…
You want a useless stat that will make you feel neither better nor worse…
Then…
Melbourne have both won and lost more games at Traeger Park than any other side.
Hawthorn
If…
Scoring the first three goals of the game in the first quarter was a highlight…
Then…
Conceding 14 of the next 16 for the remainder of the game was definitely a lowlight.
Melbourne
–
If…
There is one thing that no Demons supporter wants to hear…
Then…
It’s something, something poor kicking, something, something poor football.
North Melbourne
If…
We’re in an era that loves a theme for games and rounds…
Then…
This week’s Wayne Carey Cup will be a belter.
Port Adelaide
If…
There was a game that worried Port Adelaide’s chances of maintaining their current streak of wins…
Then…
This week’s Bombers at the MCG certainly isn’t it.
Richmond
If…
The Bye rounds served one team a bigger injustice than others…
Then…
It was Richmond being pushed out of ninth place.
St Kilda
If…
There’s one thing that takes the ‘rampage’ out of Rampaging Saints…
Then…
It’s a loss to the Lions at Marvel Stadium.
Sydney
If…
Buddy Franklin had played against West Coast…
Then…
He would have overtaken Dunstall, Coventry and Lockett.
West Coast
If…
I thought I’d be clever and compare Sydney’s score of 205 to a cricket score…
Then…
After the influx of media saturation it received, I’ll steer clear.
Western Bulldogs
If…
You too need a reason to be excited for a Fremantle/Western game…
Then….
Crack a tin of Lobster Tears, and see how Fremantle approaches the second instalment of the Rory Lobb Cup.
And this one’s for the AFL….
If…
There was a pickle that the AFL didn’t expect themselves to be in…
Then…
It would be the serious suggestion by some that a player be suspended for concussing his own teammate – as per the recent terminology used by the League in relation to “duty of care”.
Like this free content? You could buy Jimmy a beer, or a coffee, or something to trim his nasal hair as a way to say thanks. He’ll be a happy camper.
