Jimmy Ayres, much like you, sat and read the drivel from the AFL website.
He looked at those around him and thought “I can do this better”.
He can, and he has. And he has evidently taken it very seriously.
Here is this week’s edition of Sliding Drawers.
And HERE is last week’s… just in case you missed it.
Adelaide
If…
Taylor Walker burnt as many CDs as he did his teammates in the forward half…
Then…
He’d be a bigger pirate than Captain Jack Sparrow.
Brisbane
If…
Lachie Neale bought himself a Tattslotto ticket at the same time as his one-way ticket from Western Australia to Queensland…
Then…
He’d be as rich as Maggi brown gravy.
Carlton
If…
Tom De Koning playing in the VFL…
Then…
His brother will eventually play more games than him.
Collingwood
If…
Collingwood could stop making people like them…
Then…
That would be great.
Essendon
If…
The Bombers keep recruiting former top-10 full forwards that ran out of chances at their former clubs, and manage to get the best out of them…
Then…
Josh Schache, John Butcher and Jarrad Grant can all expect phone calls this offseason.
Fremantle
–
If…
Hayden Young calls Will Smith’s character Hancock an asshole one more time…
Then…
He’ll be flying higher than his Mark of the Year nomination against Port Adelaide last year.
Geelong
If…
Patrick Dangerfield was 10 years younger…
Then…
He wouldn’t be as supportive of his own suggestion that Tasmania have unlimited access to recruit opposition players.
Gold Coast
If…
Ned Moyle looked any more like Dominik Mysterio…
Then…
He would’ve been battling his father at Backlash in Puerto Rico on the weekend, rather than playing in the Suns’ reserves side.
GWS
If…
The AFL were serious about stress injury risk management…
Then…
They would put a chair in the Giants’ coaches box so Adam Kingsley could sit down during the game.
Hawthorn
If…
James Sicily is thrown an AFL lifeline by Tasmania to play his final season for the inaugural side in 2028 at age 33…
Then…
They’d better be ready to offer him a FIFO contract.
Melbourne
–
If…
Demons fans were chanting “ROOOOO” for Jacob van Rooyen last week…
Then…
Suns fans were DEFINITELY chanting “BOOOOO” this week, after the 20 year old had Charlie Ballard sent off on a stretcher.
North Melbourne
If…
The Kangaroos make finals in Alastair Clarkson’s first season as coach…
Then…
They’ll have more eyes on them than Wayne Carey at a mate’s BBQ.
Port Adelaide
If…
Hinkley lost Butters for the remainder of the season…
Then…
His cholesterol levels would thank him.
Richmond
If…
Shai Bolton had wheels instead of legs…
Then…
He would not have been anywhere near as damaging against the Eagles.
St Kilda
If…
You suffer from chronic insomnia…
Then…
Look no further than the weekend’s game against North Melbourne as your miracle cure.
Sydney
If…
You can lead your Horse (Longmire) to Nick Daicos’ bathwater…
Then…
You can’t make Ryan Clarke drink it.
West Coast
If…
West Coast want to win another game this season…
Then…
They’d better purchase their copy of AFL23.
Western Bulldogs
If…
Adam Treloar’s hamstrings were any more cooked…
Then….
They’d be al dente.
And this one’s for the AFL….
If…
Journalists are going to continue asking coaches about controversial umpiring calls that did/didn’t go their way in the game, during the post-match press conferences…
Then…
Expect the exact same generic answers – “I was coaching from the bench, I didn’t see the incident”, “I’ll have to review the tape, I’m not quite sure…” or “that’s not for me to comment on”.
And this one’s for Warner Bros….
If…
You won’t share the Licensing for “Tassie Devils”…
Then…
Please do something about all the “Warner Brothers” gags that we’re subjected to every time Chad and Corey line up together for Sydney.
Yep, Jimmy is taking this reeeeeaaaally seriously. It’s evident, right?
Like this free content? You could buy Jimmy a beer, or a coffee, or something to trim his nasal hair as a way to say thanks. He’ll be a happy camper.
