2026 Mongrel Crystal Ball
We’ve read the predictions of the rest – now it’s time to read those of the best! Yes, you read that correctly.
As we like to poke fun at the experts (some of whom are highly paid) who trot out wild predictions, what type of hypocrites would we be if we didn’t do the same and wear the criticism?
As such, we have put together the most exhaustive collection of predictions for season 2026.
No doubt people will keep the receipts and hold us to these throughout the year, but here is our take on the big moments, key results, and major award winners of the year. Who has the best takes?
Who will be the Premiers in 2026?
Disco: Fremantle, but only if they have learnt to hold their bottle when the heat is on.
Justin – Sydney. I’m big on the Swans this year, as you’ll likely see throughout the rest of these predictions.
Ben – Brisbane. Boring answer, but they’ve added Allen and Draper, and their department of youth has had another preseason to grow.
Matt Passmore: Brisbane. They’re just dynastic at the moment. Which is super annoying, but I suppose there are worse options.
Matt Oman – Gold Coast. This is it. This is their year. Adding Christian Petracca to a team that won their first final last season is the boost they need to fulfill the AFL’s desire of a flag at an expansion club.
Max – Brisbane. They’re a juggernaut, and not even their penchant for adultery will stop them.
Slugger – Geelong Cats. Screw the Dynasty. Redemption is at hand.
Hodgey- Brisbane. The best got better, health in key areas will be a massive key for this team, have all the cover in the world except for the otherworldly Harris Andrews.
Ed – After watching the warm-ups, can’t go past Carlton. Only joking. Brisbane is going back-to-back-to-back.
Tim H – Brisbane. They remain the best list in the comp, and barring a catastrophic run of injuries, should salute again on the last Saturday in September.
Ben H- Uncontroversial, but something would have to go seriously wrong for Brisbane to not take the choccies.
The Prophet – The Pride of … not South Australia. The other pride. Of Lions. Three-peat driven by shady extra curricular pre-season activities. Seems to be their formula.
Timbo H – Brisbane. They have the best key defender in the comp in Andrews, probably the best young key forward in Morris, and their midfield has even more depth plus some natural improvement to come. Their recent finals experience also can’t be underestimated when it comes to the business end of the season.
Matt Parnell – Sydney. Shameless bias here, and confident enough that it worries me as a notedly neurotic sports supporter. Same team that made the Grand Final two years ago but we added the best possible option in the area of most need, which feels like a good way to position yourself to go one better
HB – I’ve liked Freo for three years. I think it’s time they made the final push.
Trent – Fremantle, despite the coach, who is the major issue holding them back. Don’t get too excited though Purple Haze, I’m usually about two years off in my premiership predictions.
Who will be the Runners-Up in 2026?
Disco: 2022 and 2024 Sydney Swans were the very much maligned LOSER, and tradition will continue in 2026. This year has 2016 fairytale vibes and I’m tipping the Shockers to ride a wave of emotion to defeat the Swans
Justin – Geelong. Another year being the second-prettiest pony in the stable.
Ben – Gold Coast. Makes me sick to my very core but their elite engine room and dual threats up front will be hard to top.
Matt Passmore: Geelong. They’re the team that just never never goes away, but they do know how to lose a final.
Matt Oman – Fremantle. They’ll certainly improve, and they have all the tools, but that final hurdle won’t be overcome just yet.
Max – Hawthorn. Mitchell’s new obsession with AI will serve them well, with ChatGPT guiding them to the promised land and then crashing on Grand Final Day
Slugger – Brisbane Lions. Revenge is a dish best served cold.
Hodgey- Gold Coast. Yep, an all Queensland grand final. Experience wins out in a high scoring contest that could threaten to be an all-timer with two of the most loaded squads on paper
Ed – Hawks, third year building this system that is now choc full of belief. Inexperience will probably cost them when they face a more grand final-versed side, but they are primed to take another flag soon.
Tim H – Fremantle. I think they’re ready for a huge tilt at a dynasty, but will fall just short in season 2026.
Ben H- Fremantle. This is the best looking list in the history of the club, it really just feels like they’re lacking finals experience.
The Prophet – the Doker make their second Grand Final. The Doker lose their second Grand Final.
Timbo H – Adelaide. They will have learnt alot from their finals exit last season, and there is no reason to think they won’t finish top 4 again this season.
Matt Parnell – Suns. Swans need a team they can beat and the Suns don’t have the finals experience of our recent conquerors.
HB – The Swans are the other team I really like, but I think they fall just short… again.
Trent – I’m leaning towards the Swans, but I like Heeney too much to see him in tears on GF day again, so I’ll select Gold Coast, where I’d greatly enjoy seeing Hardwick bawling his eyes out.
Norm Smith Medallist
Disco: Caleb Serong to carry the Dockers on his shoulders and for him to become a true elite player in the competition.
Justin – Chad Warner. I reckon this bloke will recapture his best form this year (not that he was bad last season, but he certainly didn’t hit the heights he did in 2024).
Ben – the Scottish Suitcase, had a fair crack at last year’s and absolutely has the capability.
Matt Passmore: one of the Ashcroft brothers. Once the Lions are in, it’ll be decided before the match.
Matt Oman – Noah Anderson. The Suns’ skipper will put in a Luke Hodge style captain’s Grand Final performance and, along with Petracca and Matt Rowell, will carry their side on their backs.
Max – Zac Bailey
Slugger: Tom Stewart. A year after missing the Grand FInal due to concussion, Tom Stewart plays this time and i the Ying to Harris Andrews Yang and propels the Cats to Grand Final glory.
Hodgey- Will Ashcroft
Ed – One of the Ashcrofts, or Neale. Just too clean through the middle.
Tim H – Jaspa Fletcher.
Ben H- Cam Rayner for a biggie
The Prophet – Dusty who? Will Ashcroft three-peats ol’ Norm, despite a six goal haul from Murphy Reid.
Timbo H – A bit left field here but I’m going with Oscar Allen, will turn it on with a bag of 6 on GF day that will make him impossible to ignore
Matt Parnell – Matt Rowell. The Brown low Medallist wins another weird one.
HB – Josh Treacy, because he plays the game the way I like to see it played, and if Freo get there, he’ll run through walls to get them ove the line.
Trent – Let’s run with Hayden Young, because he’s a goal kicking midfielder, and I hate when players from the Runner Up are gifted the NSM.
Name Your Top 4/6
Disco: this is a hard ask as nine teams are capable of being top four and by extension top six: Fremantle. Sydney, Brisbane, Hawthorn, Gold Coast, St Kilda
Justin – Geelong, Sydney, Brisbane, Gold Coast, Fremantle, Hawthorn
Ben – Brisbane, Hawthorn, Gold Coast, Geelong are a fairly set-and-forget top four with a tight race for the rest. Adelaide in fifth – I had GWS in 6th before everyone went down, so I’ll chuck Sydney in there.
Matt Passmore: God I hate this one but Brisbane, Geelong, Fremantle, Hawthorn, Gold Coast, St Kilda, GWS, Adelaide.
Matt Oman – Gold Coast, Fremantle, Adelaide, Brisbane, Sydney, Hawthorn
Max – Ready to look like a total muppet here: Brisbane, Hawthorn, Geelong, Adelaide, Freo, Sydney
Slugger – Geelong, Brisbane, Gold Coast, Hawthorn, Fremantle & Western Bulldogs
Hodgey- Brisbane, Fremantle, Bulldogs, Gold Coast, Geelong, Hawthorn
Ed – Sydney, Geelong, Brisbane, Hawthorn (Sydney and Adelaide round out top 6)
Tim H – Brisbane, Fremantle, Geelong, Sydney, Hawthorn, Gold Coast
Ben H- Brisbane, Sydney, Hawthorn, Fremantle, Gold Coast, Adelaide
The Prophet – Sydney, Gold Coast, Brisbane, Fremantle, Hokball, Saints
Timbo H – Brisbane, Adelaide, Freo, Gold Coast, Hawthorn, Collingwood
Matt Parnell – (in no order) Brisbane, Gold Coast, Sydney Fremantle, St. Kilda, Geelong
HB – Freo, Sydney, Gold Coast, Brisbane, Geelong, Adelaide
Trent – Fremantle, Gold Coast, Sydney, Brisbane, Hawthorn, Adelaide
Name Your Wildcard Competitors
Disco: for the record, I detest the Wildcard concept – rewarding mediocrity is a mistake. In no order: Cats, Crows, Giants, and Kangaroos.
Justin – From 7th to 10th, I’ll go St Kilda, Western Bulldogs, Collingwood, Adelaide
Ben – GWS, the Dogs, St Kilda and Fremantle, honestly in any order. The winners will be the AFL who yet again have Americanised the sport to manifestly destine the almighty dollar. O don’t care for the wildcards.
Matt Passmore: dumb concept. But it’s designed to get Essendon in a final, so they’ll squeeze in. Maybe Carlton.
Matt Oman – St Kilda, Geelong, Western Bulldogs, Collingwood
Max – Ready for the AFL to look like total muppets here, bringing in this Seppo bollocks: Bulldogs, GWS, Gold Coast, St Kilda; in no order because I refuse to be bound by such constraints
Slugger: Adelaide & Sydney to host Collingwood and St. Kilda.
Hodgey- , St Kilda, Sydney, Adelaide, GWS
Ed – Essendon, Saints, Collingwood, Carlton
Tim H – Collingwood, GWS, Bulldogs and St Kilda
Ben H- If St Kilda could play in it 4 times they would. St Kilda, Bulldogs, Collingwood, GWS
The Prophet – in no order of particularity … the Orange team, Crom, Bulldogs, Geelong.
Timbo H – Geelong, Western Bulldogs, Saints, Sydney
Matt Parnell – Adelaide, Hawthorn, GWS, Collingwood
HB – Dogs, Hawks, Pies, Saints
Trent – unlike my fellow writers, I love the Wildcard, who doesn’t want more footy? Especially September intensity footy?! Anyway, St Kilda, Western Bulldogs, Carlton, Geelong in no order.
Grand Final Headline Performer
Disco: Eminem
Justin – Is P Diddy available?
Ben – as per, it’ll be someone who was huge a decade ago, and is currently promoting a forgettable album. Bruno Mars seems a good pick.
Matt Passmore: someone call Robbie Williams. He hasn’t done anything for a while which seems to be the important selection policy. But he’s also probably do something good.
Matt Oman – Foo Fighters. Big enough name, good music that a lot of the population likes, and they’re touring Australia in November.
Max – Arcade Fire
Slugger – Hilltop Hoods. Old enough now to qualify.
Ed – Some Australian band that will piss off about 50% of fans.
Hodgey- Considering how bad the changes have been, it wouldn’t shock me if the hierarchy bring in Tame Impala. If it was me, wind the clock back with Grinspoon
Tim H – I’m with Matt Oman here and will say Foo Fighters.
Ben H- I’ll give you a couple, one safe option for the oldheads and something a bit more contemporary coming out the Aus music scene. The safest option, as mentioned, will be Foo Fighters who’ll be more or less in town. Limp Bizkit are also hitting big again as a potential left field oldhead option. Amyl and the Sniffers might ruffle some feathers but I’d love to see a proper young Australian act given a crack. Playlunch might have just dropped off in relevance enough by then to make them a fun and viable option.
The Prophet – the AFL hierarchy will try to copy the US and get Bad Bunny. Personally, I’d love to see Jelly Roll come out here!
Timbo H – Parkway Drive. Re-wrote the Fox Footy theme song last season, and are an Aussie band that seem to get love everywhere but Australia
Matt Parnell – If I say King Gizz every year I have to be right eventually
HB – ACDC, as I am not sure how many more chances they’ll get.
Trent – Dua Lipa
Who will be Wooden Spooners in 2026?
Disco: this is hard, but I’m tipping either one of the Bombers or the Blues to totally bottom out this year.
Justin – Richmond.
Ben – West Coast, and it won’t be close either.
Matt Passmore: West Coast is the easy pick but I reckon Melbourne are a decent chance.
Matt Oman – West Coast. That’s obvious, so I’ll throw Port Adelaide as an option.
Max – North. I’m allowed to say this because I support them. And have no faith in them to do anything whatsoever
Slugger – Melbourne. Just for something different.
Ed – The Eagles, or West Coast Eagles to use their full legal name.
Tim H – Richmond
Ben H- Sorry West Coast, but I don’t think Willem Duursma will quite manage to be the messiah.
Hodgey- Bombers
The Prophet – West Coast. Comfortably. McQualter won’t last the season (sacked after R16 when they are winless) and Harley Reid requests a trade to Geelong courtesy of a Cotton On sponsorship, before the season ends.
Timbo H – Probably West Coast, but could just as easily be North
Matt Parnell – West Coast
HB – West Coast. If you watched their preseason efforts, you’d know why.
Trent – West Coast, slightly behind the Tigers, who might endure the old one step backward to go two steps forward.
Biggest Rise (Team)
Disco: St Kilda and North Melbourne.
Justin – St Kilda
Ben – St Kilda, although North and Port could jag Wildcards if things go right.
Matt Passmore: St Kilda. They’ve been bubbling and brewing, and they’ll get it a bit right this year.
Matt Oman – Sydney. From missing the eight, to a spot in the top four.
Max – Hawthorn
Slugger – North Melbourne.
Ed – Sydney seems the obvious choice here
Tim H – Sydney. Last year was a bit of a transition under the new coach, but having Curnow at full forward should make a huge difference.
Ben H- Sydney had a tough season but will bounce back big.
Hodgey- Bulldogs
The Prophet – the Swom and the Saints. Both to come from the bottom 10 and make the top 8. In the case of the Swom, to the top of the table.
Timbo H – I’ll go with the Saints, I don’t think they have enough to win it this year, but they are going to trouble the top of the table
Matt Parnell – Sydney. Naturally.
HB – Sydney. St KIlda, as well, but I am giving them 12 months to get things right.
Trent – Sydney, returning to the top 4 with Charlie and Errol added to their elite Isaac & Brodie, with Chad due to return to ‘24 form.
Biggest Fall (Team)
Disco: Collingwood and GWS, with a huge watch on the Cats.
Justin – Adelaide
Ben – the Pies. Please.
Matt Passmore: I reckon the Pies will fall way off and miss the 8.
Matt Oman – Collingwood’s age profile will kill them this year. They’ve consistently avoided the draft, and the crop of youngsters ready to take over from the veterans is almost nonexistent. The fact that Pendlebury and Sidebottom are still so important to their fortunes says a lot about the rest of their team.
Max – Collingwood. They won’t fall off; they’re regrettably a perennially good team, but I’ve picked my top ten so mathematically they’re the lucky holders of this much sought-after honour
Slugger – GWS Giants. I’ve just gone up and reviewed my top 10 and seen they’re not in the teams I wrote down. So I guess they’re my default pick.
Ed – Gold Coast Suns. Reached their first finals last season, but are set to go back down the ladder after breaking such an important milestone.
Tim H – Adelaide. I wasn’t fully convinced by them last year, and think they could fall away a bit this season.
Ben H- GWS, but Collingwood might not be far behind.
Hodgey- Collingwood
The Prophet – three-way tie between ol’ man Collingwood, the Crom and their power stance, and the Cats who finally look shaky.
Timbo H – I think the Giants go downhill a bit this year. They didn’t have alot of depth in the midfield last season, and now have lost Greene and Callaghan. Oliver has been good in their practice matches, but can he wind back the clock for a whole season?
Matt Parnell – Adelaide.
HB – Collingwood, but they have this annoying habit of proving people wrong.
Trent – GWS, decimated by injury and with a few of their core now getting beyond the ability to strongly influence results. Extremely well coached and consistent so could surprise, but odds are against them.
Biggest Rise/Improver (Player)
Disco: Sam ‘Ned’ Flanders to truly blossom under Ross Lyon.
Justin – Neil Erasmus. Will secure his spot for the Dockers and surprisingly improve their biggest position of need – the wing.
Ben – Ugle-Hagan’s the cheat answer but get ready to learn Brayden Cook. At home on either flank or the wing, he’s set to play a lot this year in a variety of roles.
Matt Passmore: Reuben Ginbey. I’m a big fan of him and he’s going to start putting his hand up for honorifics this year.
Matt Oman – Connor Macdonald is about to have a massive year for the Hawks. I hope he steps into the midfield seamlessly and provides the answer to Hawthorn’s engine room queries.
Max – I’ve got no sodding clue. Todd Marshall to be almost AA-level wherever he ends up playing? Yeah, let’s go with that
Slugger – Tanner Bruhn. Watch this guy go bang in 2026.
Ed – Calsher Dear will finally step out as the Hawks key forward, wresting the mantle from the aging Jack Gunston.
Tim H – I have Brandon Walker as a smoky for All-Australian honours this year, so will back him in.
Ben H- Might not be an improvement per se, but if Jake Waterman can string together 20+ games after his troubles last season and gets some half decent delivery inside 50 he could well kick over half of West Coast’s total score for the year.
Hodgey- Will Ashcroft, next level loading
The Prophet – Tanner Bruhn is an easy answer, so, I will look a little further West – okay, a lot further West – and go with the other Reid in Western Australia, the one named after a fold-up cupboard bed. Murphy Reid will go to the next level as he spends more time in the middle.
Timbo H – As everyone else so bullish on my Pies sliding down the table and having no younger guys ready to step in, I’m going to back in Beau McCreery – if he can stay fit and rotate through the midfield he has the potential to do a lot of damage.
Matt Parnell – When he gets fit again, Taj Hotton.
HB – Hugh Boxshall. Just the right combination of skill and a bit of mongrel. Could pick two or three from the Saints, actually – Phiilipou, Windhager, Garcia… they are my pick for top four in 2027.
Trent – I’ve liked Ainsworth, Sheldrick, Windhager, Logue, Robertson though the pre-season, but I’ll take a punt on Ryley Sanders to usurp one of the bigger names in the Bulldogs midfield before year’s end. Wilmot also a big chance to be AA, but already playing at that level.
Biggest Fall/Decline (Player)
Disco: I have always admired Jordan De Goey, but if he suffers more injuries this season then the game may just passed him by.
Justin – Zach Merrett. Half based on the shitshow that his AFL career has been for the past six or so months, and half based on the fact that we keep hearing about he is going to change positions and not be a midfielder anymore.
Ben – Reilly O’Brien. Love our little Gumby but McAndrew will do to ROB what he himself did to Sam Jacobs in 2018.
Matt Passmore: Luke Ryan. He’s been stat padding for a while and hasn’t offered the same reliability for the Dockers’ defence as he once did. With Mcvee in the team to help Clarke move the ball, and a few others knocking on the door, I can see Ryan going from a stalwart to substitute pretty early on.
Matt Oman – Darcy Moore. Got found out a little bit last season, and I think that keeps happening in 2026.
Max – Xerri. Will be neutered by the new rules at centre bounces, will be despondent at this fact, and will subsequently apply far less manic defensive pressure than he has in previous years.
Slugger – Jack Gunston. Because Hawthorn don’t deserve nice things. Plus if he loses another step to Father Time (after already losing at least three or four) not even his footy acumen will be able to bail him out.
Ed – Pendles. Age is finally going to slow down this seemingly timeless warrior.
Tim H – I could see the new ruck rules having a big impact on a few around the league, but Reilly O’Brien stands out as one that could struggle the most.
Ben H- Take your pick of any big boy rucks really. Reilly O’Brien is as good an answer as any unfortunately for him.
Hodgey- Elliot Yeo: game only getting quicker and he isn’t getting any more nimble, teammate Matt Flynn may also struggle with the new ruck rules
The Prophet – this hurts to write as a Cats fan, but Tom Stewart will find himself dropped late in the season forcing Geelong to play young defenders and fast-track their development.
Timbo H – Hayden Young/WIll Day. I know this seems strange but both these guys have so much potential but have spent too many seasons not being fit enough to show it. Very much at risk of being “almost” players if they can’t get their bodies right this year.
Matt Parnell – Zach Merrett to absolutely phone it in all year while he stinks up the joint
HB – Stephen Coniglio is being asked to do a fair bit in the GWS midfield to start the season. Looks light and not in a “hey, he looks great” kind of way. I think if the Giants start getting players back, he might be injury insurance during the run home.
Trent – Dangerfield, been a monster for a long time, but we’ll see more Grand Final day than Prelim Final days from him this season, in what will be his final year.
Who Will Finish in the Top Three in the Brownlow? (winner in bold)
Disco: Caleb Serong, 2. Errol Gulden, 3. Jaspa Fletcher
Justin – Isaac Heeney, 2. Nick Daicos (lol), 3. Hayden Young
Ben: Marcus Bontempelli (finally), 2. Nick Daicos (sigh), 3. Nasiah Wanganeen-Milera
Matt Passmore: Serong, Nick Daicos, Lachie Neale.
Matt Oman – Zak Butters, Jordan Dawson, Nasiah Wanganeen-Milera
Max – Nick Daicos (cue wild celebrations at AFL House), N Wanganeen-Milera, J Newcombe
Slugger – Bailey Smith, 2.Nick Daicos (bahahaha!!), 3.Chad Warner
Ed – Naicos, Heeney, Cripps (loves a brownlow vote)
Tim H – Nick Daicos, Marcus Bontempelli and Errol Gulden
Ben H- Nick Daicos, Bont, Nasiah Wanganeen-Milera
Hodgey- Noah Anderson, Nick Daicos, Marcus Bontempelli
The Prophet – Big Wang (Nasiah Wanganeen-Milera), Nick Daicos, The Chad (Warner)
Timbo H – Naicos (finally), Petracca, Heeney
Matt Parnell – Bont, NAS, Naicos
HB – Caleb Serong, Nick Daicos, Jordan Dawson
Trent – Nick Daicos, Nasiah Wanganeen-Milera, Isaac Heeney
Who Wins Your Club’s BnF?
Disco: Errol Gulden based on last year when the Swans form line only came good when he returned after the Bye.
Justin – Hayden Young will take out Freo’s Doig Medal, ending a three-year run of dominance from his draft mate, Caleb Serong.
Ben – Dawson is the easy, thus boring choice, so let’s go with something different in my boy Josh Worrell. Will get his rightful All Australian this year, which may see him add a yellow jacket to his wardrobe, too.
Matt Passmore: Jordan Clark.
Matt Oman – Jai Newcombe, from Connor Macdonald and Jack Ginnivan
Max – Whoever provides the spreads for the players during quarterly breaks. LDU a close runner-up
Slugger – Max Holmes takes out the three-peat and continues to be overlooked by the All-Australian selectors despite being the Cats best player for three years running.
Ed – On the back of his big deal, Sam Walsh to take home the John Nicholls as long as we get a full season out of him
Tim H – Harley Reid
Ben H- Bailey Banfield? Or failing that I guess Hayden Young looks ok.
Hodgey- Noah Anderson
The Prophet – to continue his rise from obscurity, Lawson Humphries will win his first Carji at the Cattery.
Timbo H – Probably Naicos, but could be his brother.
Matt Parnell – Callum Mills after a bounce back season
HB – Jai Newcombe, because nobody else is close to being an A-Grader in the Hawks team.
Trent – Jai Newcombe, so underrated around the comp, rarely features in top player lists, but almost never doesn’t show up, carrying the weight of his club on his sculpted shoulders. Four best afields in his five finals show he’s up to the challenge. Watson & Barrass to claim the other podium positions.
Who Wins the Coleman in 2026?
Disco: Nick Larkey to thrive as Captain of the Roos and he will top the goal kicking with 76 goals.
Justin – Harry McKay. I mean, who else is going to kick them for Carlton? And I actually think he’ll get back to some better form with Curnow no longer dominating the spotlight there.
Ben – I’ve backed Souv two years running so jumping off that bandwagon for Sam Darcy, who was on pace for 70 in 2025. If Larkey wins it now, I’ll be devastated.
Matt Passmore: Jesse Hogan. He’s going to lift another notch this season and double his tally from last year.
Matt Oman – Charlie Curnow. Because he just will. He’ll thrive with that Swans midfield kicking the ball to him over and over again.
Max – Riley Thilthorpe. Also, these bozos predicting Larkey have no idea how he plays. No chance
Slugger – Oscar Allen to enjoy the new level of delivery after switching from Spooner to Premier.
Ed – Oscar Allen, will enjoy premium service after his years in the west, where he rarely saw the ball come towards him.
Tim H – Charlie Curnow
Ben H- Sam Darcy. Presents as the best option in the Dogs forward 50 and they’ll look to turn every game into a shootout where they can.
Hodgey- In one of the most star-studded fields in a while, I’m going to take a punt on The Big Cohuna, Josh Treacy
The Prophet – my first thought was “Dick Cyclone’ Josh Treacy, but I might go even more random, and say Logan Morris. It’ll be a huge step up, but with Oscar Allen taking the best defender, Morris can stamp himself on the competition.
Timbo H – Thilthorpe – pretty sure I picked him last year and happy to back him in again
Matt Parnell – Everyone said all the interesting answers so I wanna say Logan McDonald to spice things up but that’s stupid so I won’t. Ben Long.
HB – Ben King. He is still the best option at the Suns, and if he gets just two touches more per game, he is accurate enough to make the most of them.
Trent – Jesse Hogan, injury ruined his 2025, but the SOO output showed he’s back to his best. Would love to see Thilthorpe win it too!
Goal of the Year Winner
Disco: The Lizard Nick Blakey.
Justin – Murphy Reid.
Ben – Kozzie Pickett
Matt Passmore: Sam Darcy
Matt Oman – The Wizard will show us his magic with a ridiculous kick.
Max – K Pickett. Wouldn’t discount L Pickett though
Slugger – Lawson Humphries.
Ed – Naicos
Tim H – Nick Daicos
Ben H- Isaiah Dudley
Hodgey- Nick Watson
The Prophet – I’d love someone like Latrelle Pickett or Murphy Reid, but let’s face it, it’ll be a midfielder taking a bounce from the centre square. Lucky dip says it will be Sam Walsh.
Timbo H – Will Hayes. You might be asking yourself who that is, well you’ll find out when he wins this award haha
Matt Parnell – The AFL’s guidelines for goal of the year suck and I want that on record. Just rename it buildup play of the year. In the spirit of that… Pendlebury
HB – Big Wang to kick a ridiculous goal after three bounces, weaving in and out of traffic.
Trent – The Prophet stole my thunder, can we please not make this public voted ever again? I’ll have a go at Zac Bailey.
Mark of the Year Winner
Disco: Cody Wightman.
Justin – Isaac Heeney.
Ben – Mitch Lewis
Matt Passmore: Josh Treacy
Matt Oman – The Wizard will show us his magic again with a ridiculous grab.
Max – Shai Bolton
Slugger – Ollie Dempsey
Ed – Kysaiah Pickett
Tim H – Liam Ryan
Ben H- Alix Tauru
Hodgey- Mitch Georgiades
The Prophet – I’m chips in on Ollie Dempsey to FINALLY claim this.
Timbo H – Tom De Koning
HB – Jordan Dawson
Matt Parnell – Alix Tauru
Trent – Jermey Howe for old times sake, and he’s undoubtedly the best aerialist of this generation.
Game You’re Most Excited For
Disco: Opening Round Swans v Carlton. Every year I travel to Steak and Kidney for the Opening Round.
Justin – St Kilda v Brisbane. Keen to see if the Saints boys play with a chip on their shoulder after Fagan’s comments about TDK.
Ben – As an SA boy, the Showdown, obviously, but I’m also hanging out for Round 12, Bombers at Eagles. Reckon it’ll be WCE’s first win and be like watching the Auskick. Can’t wait.
Matt Oman – Ya boy loves himself a Showdown, and this year will be no different. Also looking forward to the game where Geelong are mathematically eliminated from finals contention. Hoping this one happens sooner rather than later.
Max – Whichever one of the prelims is better
Slugger – Easter Monday. Cats V Hawks always a belter. Then a rematch in the finals again.
Ed – Swans v Carlton is the only one I have pencilled in so far. Hopefully Weitering gets up for the game and we see him go toe-to-toe against big Charlie. It’ll be undermined because they’ll play Lewis Young on Amartey or McDonald and they’ll kick about 8 on him.
Tim H – Always excited for the first game of the season.
Ben H- As a lifelong Fremantle supporter I refuse to get excited for any games involving my club to avoid having my heart broken. Dogs and GWS is always fun, and I have them finishing in similar places on the ladder this season.
Hodgey- opening round, Suns vs Cats
The Prophet – Collingwood in Geelong … wait, they don’t know what travel is. So, let’s lock in the Grand Final rematch, in Brisbane, and see if Geelong actually have some mongrel and some fight left.
Timbo H – hard to look past Opening Round with my Pies up against the new look Saints. Everyone’s biggest slider against everyone’s biggest riser
HB – All of them. Seriously, just happy to have footy back.
Matt Parnell – Eagles Brisbane? See how many Oscar Allen can kick?
Trent – The four Gather Round games I’m attending! But yeah, starts off this Thursday, I just love footy.
Best AFL Ground
Disco: I love the intimacy of the SCG, and yes, it is a biased opinion.
Justin – I hate to give it to the Vics, especially after they just beat us in Origin, but anyone who doesn’t say the MCG is a filthy liar.
Ben – Adelaide Oval. Am I biased? Yes. But come on, the hill, the scoreboard, the wide-open concourses…beautiful.
Matt Passmore: they’ve all got their charm. Optus is fantastic but nothing beats a packed MCG .
Matt Oman – Adelaide Oval
Max – Poor question, really. MCG takes up all of the first five spots
Slugger – I’m obviously biased towards Kardinia Park. It’s come a long way in the past 15 years. Just need to fix up the internet there and it will be just about perfect. But you can’t beat the atmosphere of a heaving 80,000+ at the MCG in a tight game. It is on its own level. The last two years of Cats Preliminary Finals have aged me significantly.
Ed – MCG, any other answer is factually incorrect.
Tim H – Perth Stadium
Ben H- I love going to Optus every other week, but Adelaide oval is one of the great grounds in the world.
Hodgey- Hands Oval, closely trailing the MCG
The Prophet – does AFL exist beyond the MCG? Seriously, it’s not called ‘The Home of Football’ for no reason.
Timbo H – MCG
HB – I’m a sucker for the ‘G. In a packed house, the stadium feels alive in a close game. Goosebumps stuff… That said, I like the old-school grounds. Sadly, the best we get of them are in Gather Round, so gimme one of those… except Norwood with their shitty straight wings.
Matt Parnell – MCG
Trent – The MCG is the best for viewing and atmosphere, but always enjoyed the experience at UTAS Stadium in Launceston.
Who Will Be the Best Recruit of the Year?
Disco: Sam Flanders to be the recruit to catch everyone of guard and to thrive under Ross.
Justin – Charlie Curnow. It’s a chalk pick, but let’s be real, it’s going to be him.
Ben – Christian Petracca. He’s the piece the Suns need to make the Big Dance.
Matt Passmore: Mason Cox?. Nah going with Flanders for this one. I reckon he’ll be a good one for the Saints.
Matt Oman – Christian Petracca, for the reasons I stated earlier.
Max – Clayton Oliver (I don’t think it’s cheating to name him after Green’s gone down)
Slugger – Will Hayward. I think he is going to thrive at Carlton and be a bright light in an otherwise dark year.
Ed – Oscar Allen
Tim H – Charlie Curnow
Ben H- I was also going to make a Mason Cox joke. I genuinely think Liam Reidy is a sleeper for Carlton, especially with Pittonet being so prone to injury.
Hodgey- Christian Petracca
The Prophet – Ken Hinkley. He’s shown glimmers already on Fox, and he will only get better as the year goes. A distant second is Charlie Curnow.
Timbo H – Petracca
HB – Brody Mihocek, on effort alone.
Matt Parnell – I’m not convinced Sam Flanders is good and it all feels like propaganda from Big Supercoach. Would I be me if I didn’t say Charlie Curnow?
Trent – Hard to go past Charlie Curnow who will lead the Swans back to the top 4.
Surprise All-Australian
Disco: Darcy Fogarty to kick over 50 goals for the year to force his way into the AA team
Justin – Does Hayden Young count as a surprise? He’s never made it before, so I am claiming it.
Ben – If Josh Worrell counts, then him. If not, then Darcy Wilmot in a back pocket.
Matt Passmore: Murphy Reid
Matt Oman – He won’t, but I’d love to see some love for Blake Hardwick.
Max – Nick Watson. I’m not sure how much people rate him, but I don’t think they have him quite at this level. He will be though
Slugger – Lawson Humphries. Just watch this kid go.
Ed – Oscar Allen. Will get the jacket after finishing the season with the Coleman medal.
Tim H – As I mentioned above, injuries permitting I could see Brandon Walker donning an AA jacket later this year.
Ben H- Not controversial, but if Keidean Coleman strings together a good 75% of the season he should be in strong contention
Hodgey- Max Holmes
The Prophet – Murphy ‘I Want to be Ninja’ Reid (that’s a niche internet reference for you all) and Logan Morris.
Timbo H – Houston to rediscover his best form in his second season at the Pies.
HB – My thoughts keep gravitating back to Lawson Humphries. The Cats just have a way of developing and elevating players. Sickening, really…
Matt Parnell – Sam Lalor
Trent – Jarman Impey, been a consistent star for years, will finally get some recognition in 2026.
Who will be the Rising Star in 2026?
Disco: to be honest I didn’t follow the draft last year, so I’ll just say William Duursma.
Justin – Latrelle Pickett. Love what he’s doing this pre-season with his dash and dare, but more importantly, he’s shown great composure in some situations and an ability to keep a cool head after running at full tilt. Reminds me a little of last year’s Rising Star winner…
Ben – Jagga Smith. Feels like a less impressive draft class and Jagga’s had extra time to get acclimatised to the AFL environment
Matt Passmore: No idea but Jagga Smith would not at all surprise me.
Matt Oman – Dyson Sharp. Should’ve gone pick 1. His fall to 13 is ridiculous, and he will prove that be becoming a vital cog in Essendon’s midfield.
Max – Willem Duursma
Slugger – Willem Duursma. Just because it’s fun to say Willem.
Ed – Biased, but Jagga Smith is the favourite in my mind. Smokey, L. Pickett looks like a class above.
Tim H – Jagga Smith
Ben H- Jagga Smith and it’s not even close
Hodgey- Leo Lombard
The Prophet – I have been thinking Jagga Smith for a while, but I think it won’t be as one-sided as many think. The Flying Viking Alix Tauru is a genuine contender.
Timbo H – I’ve seen enough after one practice match, Jagga Smith.
HB – If he stays healthy, Jagga Smith, but I expect there’ll be a bit of a push for Sam Grlj.
Matt Parnell – Said it before but it’s Taj Hotton
Trent – The human bobblehead, Jagga Smith.
Coach of the Year
Disco: Justin Longmuir.
Justin – I mean, this is a total toss up, but given I am tipping Sydney for the flag, I’ll go Dean Cox.
Ben – Josh Carr. Reckon he misses the wildcard by a win but he’ll get an unfancied Port side playing really fun footy. Pound for pound, that’ll be seen as one of the better coaching performances.
Matt Passmore: Damien Hardwick. He’ll get the Suns to a prelim and that’ll be that.
Matt Oman – Ross the Boss
Max – Smitchell
Slugger – Chris Scott. If not, it bloody well should be! Going toe-to-toe with the Lions and Suns while they get gifted top 10 picks through academies and father sons, like they’re bloody candy, meanwhile he’s turned over a list multiple times by developing draft gems and rookie picks.
Ed – Fagan or Mitchell
Tim H – Chris Fagan
Hodgey- Luke Beveridge
Ben H- Fagan
The Prophet – Ross the Boss
Timbo H – Fagan after the threepeat
HB – Justin Longmuir, and I hope he lets a few know about it, too.
Matt Parnell – Breaks my heart to say it but Ross Lyon
Trent – I’d really like it to be Ross Lyon, and then reward him with his own talk show, no guests, just him talking. He’s great.
It’s Going to be a Breakout Year for…?
Disco: Sam Flanders – read above comments.
Justin – Jobe Shanahan. I REALLY like this kid. He reminds me so much of Josh Treacy (they even wear the same number!) the way he meets the ball with physicality and wins contested situations you just wouldn’t expect a kid that young to win. He didn’t get to play alongside Waterman last year, and having his senior spearhead back should help a lot.
Ben – Cooper Trembath. was at his debut and really liked the look of him. 35 goal season as the Roos bounce back up the ladder.
Matt Passmore: Neil Erasmus. He’s been floating around at Freo, and started to put a few things together towards the end of last year. Just enough to tease a big step forward this year.
Matt Oman – Joe Berry. He’s going to have a big year at half forward for the Power.
Max – One of the unknown West Coast lads. Jobe Shanahan, why not.
Slugger – I’m bad at this. Nick Bryan surely has a massive opportunity ahead of him at the Bombers. All he needs to do is take it.
Ed – Allen. Coleman and Premiership player, will fill the void left by
Tim H – Angus Sheldrick
Ben H- Reuben Ginbey.
Hodgey- Riley Hardeman
The Prophet – Mitch Edwards. A rangy looking ruckman. Formerly of the Doker Academy, he’s had injury issues since joining the Cats, but has a genuine chance of leading the ruck department there by mid-season.
Timbo H – Beau McCreery as he rotates through the Pies midfield regularly.
HB – Cam Mackenzie at Hawthorn. Just reeks of midfield awesomeness.
Matt Parnell – Soon to be household name Lachie Blakiston
Trent – I’ll re-use a player from above and go with Darcy Wilmot to be a dominant force, but I also like Ben’s pick of Trembath.
In how many award counts does Nick Daicos finish second?
Disco: I’m tipping he has an ordinary season as the Pies slide, so none, zero, bugger all.
Justin – All of them. Lol. He’ll get the classic Brownlow overhype, that’s one. Don’t think he gets any others so two (including the EJ Whitten).
Matt Passmore: all of them. Including the newly invented ‘best player called Nick’ award that Eddie makes happen.
Matt Oman – none. He’ll either win them all, or get close but not that close.
Max – two different media awards. He’ll get Charlie though
Slugger – Herald Sun player of the year, Sunday Footy Show player of the year, Brownlow, Coaches Association player of the year, Collingwood B&F (Again). So 5.
Ed – 3, but Eddie will make sure that he gets some medals as compensation.
Tim H – None, though only because a last minute rule change means anyone with the initials ND gets an extra (enough votes to win everything) amount of votes.
Ben H- The AFL will do everything in their power to get him the Brownlow this season. None.
Hodgey- Brownlow and AFLCA champion player bridesmaid
The Prophet – The Brownlow.
Timbo H – I refuse to answer this question and you can all get stuffed haha.
HB – At least one, but he’ll win at least one, as well. Bloke’s a gun, with or without the hype.
Matt Parnell – How many awards even go to second place? Does he finish second in the Coleman? Second in the Gary Ayres?
Trent – There’s a weird fascination with Naicos from a lot of the public, most likely just Collingwood backlash, but the fact is the kid is a star, and he’s a genuine role model for kids as well, plus he’s either the best or desperately close to it player in the comp, so I’ll say he wins everything.
Best and Worst Rule Change for 2026
Disco: the last kick over the boundary rule between the arcs is a great concept, while I will miss the bounce.
Justin – Best: Penalising blokes for ducking into high tackles, rather than rewarding them. Keen to see a few pesky small forwards forced into playing actual football. Worst: Another different interpretation of holding the ball, which (like all before it), will be interpreted incorrectly.
Ben – best is the last disposal out of bounds free, but it’s also the worst in that I feel a lot of potential has been missed in not applying it in the arcs like the SANFL. As it is, it rewards bombing it for distance across the 50m line and I don’t like that.
Matt Passmore: I like the last touch rule. I think that’ll be great. As for worst: they said they were going to crack down on jumper punches, so be prepared for a lot of inconsistent yet predictable tribunal decisions.
Matt Oman – I haven’t paid too much attention to the new rules to label one as the best, but the last disposal out of bounds will comfortably be the worst. It rewards players for not going that hard at a ball bouncing toward the boundary. And I guarantee you’ll see players actively choose not to pick up a ball near the boundary.
Max – Best: new, harsher interpretation of the shoulder-lifting wank that the Dogs and Hawks have made into an art form
Worst: centre bounce rule – not happy as a Xerri disciple
Slugger – Best. Last disposal between the arcs and high tackles rule.
Worst. New HTB interpretation. I thought they had found a good rhythm last year with the majority of calls. You can’t keep making tweaks because of outlier decisions.
Ed – Best – Ducking rule as prior. If they get this right, it should hopefully stamp out some of the simulations that certain players have gotten into the habit of.
Worst – New ruck rule is going to see a lot of ruckmen either pinged for wrong rule infractions or suffer PCL injuries. Watch this to be changed again when one of the big name rucks suffers a big injury.
Tim H – Best: the last disposal rule. Worst: the new ruck rules.
Ben H- I like the new last touch rule. Any time they announce a new interpretation of holding the ball it gives me a migraine.
Hodgey- Best: ducking rule as prior. Worst: ruck contest rule
The Prophet – best: last disposal out of bounds and adjudicating the stand rule properly. Worst: removing the centre bounce. At least have it to start quarters.
Timbo H – Ducking as prior has the potential to be the best. The new ruck rules are going to see PCL injuries galore.
HB – The best will be the ducking assessed as prior opportunity, assuming they have the balls to actually call it against good players. The worst is, and will continue to be, the stupid stand rule.
Matt Parnell – Best: Last touch. Worst? Stand
Trent – I’ve really liked the lasso rule thus far, and absolutely hate that we’ve pandered to the lowest common denominator and lost the art of rucking with the death of the bounce. It’s sadly not a rule change, but the worst adjudication of a rule will continue to be incorrect disposal. If you “handball” the ball sideways off the wrong hand, or over your head without having the ball still, it’s a throw.
Your Top Five Players Going Into the Season
Disco: Caleb Serong, Errol Gulden, Luke Jackson, Marcus Bontempelli and Toby Greene..
Justin – Nick Daicos, Marcus Bontempelli, Isaac Heeney, Max Gawn, Jeremy Cameron.
Ben – basing it on my VORP rankings, in order: Bontempelli, Darcy, Thilthorpe, Gawn, English. In reality, sub English out for Harris Andrews.
Matt Oman – Zak Butters. Dyson Sharp. Cameron Nairn. Aiden Schubert. Matt LeRay.
Max – Bont, N Daicos, H Andrews, Butters, Wanganeen-Milera
Slugger – Jezza Cameron, Marcus Bontempelli, Nick Daicos, Riley Thilthorpe, Harris Andrews.
Ed – Naicos, Gulden, Bont, Neale, Greene
Tim H – Nick Daicos, Errol Gulden, Marcus Bontempelli, Lachie Neale, Max Gawn
Ben H- Luke Jackson, Nick Daicos, Nas, Bontempelli, Harris Andrews
Hodgey- Nick Daicos, Marcus Bontempelli, Noah Anderson, Caleb Serong, Harris Andrews
The Prophet – Nasiah Wanganeen-Milera, Marcus Bontempelli, Zak Butters, Harris Andrews, Jeremy Cameron
Timbo H – Naicos, NWM, Butters, Gulden, Andrews
HB – Big Wang, Harris Andrews, Nick Daicos, Marcus Bontempelli, Isaac Heeney
Matt Parnell – Bont, Naicos, NAS, Andrews, Cameron
Trent – Naicos, Heeney, Bontempelli, Andrews, Anderson
Player Their Club Can Least Afford to Lose
Disco: Issac Heeney.
Justin – Port cannot lose Zak Butters. Plain and simple.
Ben – Ben King. JUH isn’t ready to be the lead, or indeed only, key up front.
Matt Passmore: Murphy Reid
Matt Oman – Aliir Aliir
Max – Butters
Slugger – Max Gawn. Losing Gawn now would be a gut-punch to that club both on and off the field.
Ed – Harry McKay. Carlton have relied on at least one KPF, especially while bombing it long. With no Charlie and no TDK, Harry becomes the only true tall KPF that the blues have (they have some younger ones who are injured, and others who are too small. Outside of Carlton, Naicos for the pies or Stewart for the Cats are key cogs in their machine.
Tim H – It’s gotta be Melbourne and Max Gawn.
Ben H- Sam Darcy
Hodgey- Nick Daicos
The Prophet – probably the Pies with Naicos. Left-field, Geelong losing Gryan Miers for an extended period. He’s our best distributor inside 50 and crucial as a link man in how we move the footy.
Timbo H – Yeah if the Pies lose Naicos for an extended period it going to be tough, but I think if the Lions lose Harris Andrews for any long period then the threepeat is in trouble – he is that important to them.
HB – Going left field. For Gold Coast, it’s Sam Collins. Holds the backline together like Harris Andrews at Brisbane, but gets none of the credit. I am not sure they can cover him for longer than a game or two.
Matt Parnell – Surely it’s Charlie Curnow? Position of most need, biggest recruit, etc. If he goes down it’ll be 2022 or 2024 again
Trent – I think it needs to be a player at a contender, so I’ll say Andrews at Brisbane.
Feel Good Story of the Year
Disco: North Melbourne win 10.5 games, finish tenth and win a wildcard playoff.
Justin – Dees culture getting back on track under a new coach and fresh young talent. Also seeing Steven May play in the VFL will be pretty feel good.
Ben – Port Adelaide winning the second Showdown of the season and putting a huge dent in their biggest rivals’ finals run. Injury-plagued Todd Marshall gets BOG with four critical goals. I won’t feel good, but.
Matt Oman – Harley Reid silences his critics with a stunning leading performance, pushing the Eagles to more than 6 wins.
Max – Brayden George to finally get his debut after navigating such tribulations as multiple ACL injuries, a shark attack, a near-miss with a telephone wire, and a dodgy tiramisu eaten the night before the game
Slugger – Dangerfield goes out on a high. Retires as a Premiership Captain.
Ed – Another three-peat. Fagan takes the Lions to the top once again to replicate the feat of the Lions from the early 2000s.
Tim H – The gap between the bet and worst teams in the comp starts to shrink as the season remains live until at least round 18.
Ben H- Nat Fyfe fathers healthy twins. Freo fans look forward to 2044 father/son draft picks.
Hodgey- Will Ashcroft makes history in becoming the only three time consecutive norm Smith medal winner
The Prophet – an award gets named after Neale Daniher for his services to football and society. On-field, Lincoln McCarthy finally gets his Premiership Medal, and announces his retirement post-game.
Timbo H – It’s already happened – Steven May retired.
HB – West Coast’s first win will be epic. The club needs this badly. I watched them closely in the preseason – they look a way off. They need a scalp to learn how to win.
Matt Parnell – Someone finally comes out after Mitch Brown finally told everyone it was ok
Trent – the much loved James Sicily finally holding aloft the premiership cup!
Biggest Controversy of the Season
Disco: Ross Lyon suddenly resigns after St Kilda are knocked out of the finals.
Justin – Something about nepo babies.
Ben – the new stand rule will lead to a late 50m penalty that decides a game in the first few rounds, leading to an interpretation change.
Matt Oman – Gold Coast doesn’t lose a game all season, people everywhere (rightfully) complain about the AFL created monster.
Max – Darcy Moore confesses that he now sleeps in the same room as his girlfriend; heteronormative behaviours restored
Slugger – Geelong to host a home final (Oh the horror!!!)
Ed – Football player caught doing recreational drugs.
Tim H – A footballer gets banned for betting on games
Ben H- Toby Greene and Jake Stringer both steal candy from the same baby. Or a privileged young man on decent money gets on the bags.
Hodgey- Something regarding the concussion protocol
The Prophet – Tasmania announce someone other than Nathan Buckley as inaugural coach.
Timbo H – Nick Daicos misses another Brownlow while whoever comes first again receives a record number of votes
HB – Alastair Clarkson steps away as North start to falter. I don’t want to see it happen, but after the last couple of years, his time away, and the AFL environment being a different beast now, I don’t think he can operate the way he genuinely wants to, and it will get to him.
Matt Parnell – BAGS BAGS BAGS
Trent – A combination of Andrew Dillon and Richard Goyder continue to undermine the integrity of the competition with their incompetence, taking Greg Swann down with them as he scrambles to repeatedly change interpretations based on farcical tribunal decisions.
Headline you will see …
Disco: Essendon Board endorses Brad Scott after ten straight losses (a week later an interim Coach is appointed).
Justin – “Hop-along, Clarko: Roos coach shown the door amid disappointing season.”
Ben – “Not-So-Great Scott” – Essendon coach sacked after another horror season
Sean Darcy injuries again..
Matt Oman – Kane Cornes says something stupid and outrageous.
Max – ‘Bye Bye Clarksons:’ North Bigfooty board inspires headline about coach’s sacking
Slugger – “The coaching merry-go-round continues” as 5 coaches are sacked before the end of the season.
Ed – Even Clarko can’t fix these Roos. Former Hawks coach shown the door as the big dollar experiment fails to impose a winning culture at the club.
Tim H – Another late change. Chris Scott and the Cats continue to swing late changes, breaking the brains of fantasy footy coaches everywhere.
Ben H- Something something sack Longmuir something something
Hodgey- Zak Butters to nominate Hawthorn as his preferred destination
The Prophet – ‘McGuire Meltdown’ – Eddie loses his mind after Nick Daicos finishes second in the Brownlow again, thus creating the ‘My name is Nick and I play on the same team as my brother and our dad played for them too and I wear his number’ award.
As a serious one: ‘AFL Face Finals Hosting Dilemma’ – no Vic teams in Prelims leads to coin toss as to which interstate side must host a final at the ‘G. (Prelims will be Doker v Swom and Pineapple Grapple).
Timbo H – “The game has never been better” AFL release data showing scoring has increased by 3 points per game and overall game time has reduced by 1 minute and 27 seconds per game, fully redeeming their multitude of rule changes
HB – “Cumming Everywhere!” as Sam Cumming has a big game. After Triple M’s effort to set the bar with “No Cumming for a month”, you know they’re eager to rub this one out… for lack of a better term.
Matt Parnell – Something about A Murder when the Crows lose a bunch of games
Trent – Wild card a Wild success!
Headline you won’t see …
Disco: Lachie Neale wins Bachelor of the year.
Justin – “President reveals aliens are actually kept in Area 52.”
Ben – “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butters” – Zak signs long term deal to stay in SA
Matt Passmore: Essendon sign Scott for a long term deal.
Matt Oman – Zach Merrett signs multi-year deal to stay with Essendon.
Max – Harley Reid found abusing Hungry Jack’s privileges as disillusionment about team’s performance sets in
Slugger – “It’s time to settle down” – Bailey Smith puts his exploits behind him as he settles down with a partner for a quiet life on the coast. Still happy to flip the bird though.
Ed – Nick Daicos “I’m not happy at Collingwood” Star set to take blockbuster deal at Essendon
Tim H – And the premiers for 2026 are… the West Coast Eagles!
Ben H- Longmuir Secure – after locking in a top 4 spot Justin Longmuir has penned a long term contract for the top job at Fremantle.
Hodgey- Carlton to lose priority access to potential #1 pick Cody Walker via F/S
The Prophet – ‘In Clarko we Trust’ Norf board sign Clarko to a 10-year deal, leading to a Kane Cornes meltdown.
Timbo H – “We’re changing it back” AFL admits they got the new ruck rule wrong after 15th ruckman misses 6 weeks with a PCL.
HB – “It’s better than the men’s game” – Sam Newman praises AFLW as the future of Aussie Rules
Matt Parnell – “West Coast Win Second Game”
Trent – “I don’t think player X did anything wrong in that tackle / spoil / bump, and there is no need for the MRO to review” – Jon Ralph after Friday Night Footy on Fox grasping desperately to his outrageously long 15 mins of fame.
Far out… so many predictions. We’d have to get one or two right. Or, we could channel a certain former North player with a prominent media position who hasn’t tipped a GF winner in two decades.
I guess we’ll see.
