ROUND SIX (& it’s WRESTLEMANIA WEEKEND, Bay-Bee!)
As the teams return home after the Adelaide footy festival, we have learned more about some clubs, while others continue to disappoint. As trends are starting to unfold – namely the re-emergence of the hulking key forward – we can start to rule some clubs out of finals contention already, and sing the praises of others.
It’s set to be an engaging Easter weekend of footy. As we reflect on why we celebrate Easter, and feast on chocolate, all I can ask in the lead up to the footy is: “Are you ready?” I may not have glowsticks to throw at you, but you can bet we are ready!
Be forewarned, while I am the Mongrel Punt’s resident oracle for all things AFL, I hold no liability for your bad betting and using my predictions in your multis. So, please, gamble responsibly.
So, strap yourselves in for the Prophet’s Predictions for Round Six.
The Guarantee
Dirty Dominik Mysterio, the son of the late, great Eddie Guerrero wins the Intercontinental Title at Wrestlemania. He is the ONLY right answer for who wins that match.
While it is likely that the Power have found their mojo after they laid the smackdown on the candy asses of the Hawks to close out Gather Round, will the emotional toll of doing it for Kenny hinder them this week? My guarantee is for the Swans to buck the trend against the Pear and against their form and surprise everyone with a win.
The Ultimate Nightmare (Worst Case Scenario)
A Good Friday disaster. For the Pharisees, they thought it was glorious when Jesus was put to death, but when he resurrected, it was the ultimate nightmare for them – he was proven to be the Messiah.
Religious connotations of the weekend aside, North v Carlton, on form, presents as an eye-sore. North continue to disappoint and Carlton’s season, with fresh injuries to key players, is virtually irredeemable. The Ultimate Nightmare for the AFL is that this game stinks. And it could. And for both clubs, neither can afford to lose. It’s lights out for the loser in season 2025 … as the Undertaker would say, “Rest in peace!” for the loser. The winner, well, it’s four points, something for the fans to possibly celebrate, but I don’t think it is the redemption of their season.
The Outsider (unexpected winner)
Sunday Night at superhero (Marvel) Stadium is fascinating. The Saints have been in better form, they are Marvel experts, and are higher on the ladder … yet the Dogs enter the match as favourites. On potential, and with the imminent return of Marcus Bontempelli – expect a reaction the likes of which we saw in Chicago in 2023 when CM Punk finally came home to the WWE – I can see why the Dogs are the bookies favourite. However, the way in which the Saints play Marvel is fascinating to watch. Don’t be at all surprised to see Ross the Boss conjure up some more magic!
The Money Maker (Bold Call)
Somehow, some way, CM Punk leaves Las Vegas as WWE Champion. It’s unlikely, I know, which is why it’s a bold call.
From a football perspective, I want Easter Monday to live up to the Box Office billing. However, I have this feeling that one side is going to capitulate and it won’t be close. Like, I’m talking 8-10+ goals being the margin. Both teams can score, they play with flair, and they no doubt will have circled this game before the season began.
For the Hawks, they win through controlling possession, and allowing their small forwards to dictate the game – the Cats have this innate ability to be dominated by the diminutive forwards. A Cats win will be a masterclass in chaos footy. Winning it at the source or in defence, and then dominating when the ball is in transition.
Essential Result (Must Win)
I need to stop taking pot shots at Essendon. I’ve considered them in must-win games a few times this year, and they have continued to deliver – a rarity for them. But on Friday Night in Perth, they absolutely must go and beat a hapless Eagles team. There is no reason at all for Essendon to drop this game … but I feel like we’ve said that before. The Eagles are without wantaway skipper Oscar Allen for the match. So, it’s a case of Essendon by how much! Which is exactly why it’s a must-win for them.
Most at Stake (Vulnerable)
Melbourne’s future. They just need to show something. We know that they have semi-imploded and that the longer this continues, the more likely they are to end up with a new coach and missing some stars in 2026. Having traded out their first-round pick in this year’s draft to compound the issue, Dees fans need something to be hopeful for. They won’t beat Fremantle this weekend, but a performance that has energy, some intensity, and a bit of mongrel and a willingness to fight, will go a long way to defining how bad the fall out is.
The Must Watch (match-up or game)
Thursday Night footy! Much like the spectacle that Wrestlemania is, this game up North at the GABBA is must-watch footy. The Pies continue to show that geriatrics can have an impact … yes, they’re old, we know … and the Lions continue to aptly defend their title.
This is a heavyweight fight for the ages. Think GUNTHER wrestling himself – those chops are insane! These two sides know what it’s like to win the big one; they rise to the big occasions, and it’s set to shape what this weekend could be, football-wise. Can the Lions continue their Bianca Belair @ Mania run (undefeated) or will the Pies once again show that they refuse to go anywhere and run the league? It’s a fascinating watch in every way. The Lions have the tricks and the weapons, but they come up against a well-oiled machine. Get the popcorn ready!
The Unexpected (underdog performance)
Most people are hoping that this belongs to the YEET man, Jey Uso. I hope he is buried by der Ring General in the opening Wrestlemania match. And expect Travis Scott to do something wacky at the showcase of the immortals as well.
Beyond that, I’m interested to see what George Wardlaw can do in his comeback from a serious hamstring injury. People will be putting pressure on him, but they shouldn’t be. Let him build into the season. And with Sam Walsh finding his best form, it’s an uphill battle. But here’s to George having a massive moment or three on Good Friday.
It’s a Big Weekend For …
The wiseman, Paul Heyman. Having left the Island of Relevancy and abandoning Roman Reigns to return to his protege and confessed best friend CM Punk, will Paul E. stay true to Punk, return to Roman, or shock the world (in kayfabe, but not reality) and side with the visionary, the revolutionary, Seth Rollins? There will no doubt be lots to unpack after Night One of Wrestlemania!
It’s a big week for Adelaide. After letting a lead slip last week at Gather Round, they remain on their home deck against the orange tsunami. There absolutely needs to be a response. The interesting thing to watch for will be whether Matthew Nicks doubles down on the four-pronged tall forward line, or whether he makes some adjustments that make them harder to transition against. It’s a case of when they’re hot, they’re bloody fun to watch … when they’re not hot, well, their fans complain about as much as Drew McIntyre does these days!
This has match of the round vibes, so let’s hope it lives up to the billing. I will tip the Giants to come and ransack Adelaide Oval and leave with the four points. However, if the Crows can put up a consistent, four-quarter performance, then maybe, they may have matured!
The Don (player of the round)
Against a depleted Richmond line-up, and a side who are willing to welcome back a bloke who put another bloke in hospital because apparently Balta is the victim, I hope Richmond get absolutely belted by the Suns. Between Matt Rowell and Noah Anderson, you can take your pick for who dominates the midfield. But, I think it’ll be Ben King who truly dominates. Put him down for at least 7 goals this weekend.
The Underboss (rookie of the round)
I’m excited to see what Sam Marshall brings to the Lions setup. They’ve had great success with their youngsters in recent seasons, and theirs no reason to doubt Marshall won’t be a success.
Individual Brilliance (predicting a stat accomplishment like x goals or marks)
I can sometimes jinx myself, but I need to follow through on my pre-season crystal ball prediction. And that was that the Cats skipper, the Danger, would kick 10 in an Easter Monday miracle that resurrects the Cats from the jaws of defeat. In wrestling parlance, it’s the 2.999-second kick out, or covering someone that someone else took out. Do I think this will happen? Bags of 10 are so foreign it is highly unlikely. But I am prepared to put a flag on this prediction and double down on the Purr-fect 10 for Danger.
The Winners (currently on 30; last week 7)
Brisbane Lions
North Melbourne
Fremantle
Greater Western Sydney
Gold Coast
Sydney
Western Bulldogs
Geelong (I think Hawks, but I’m properly doubling down)
And that’s the bottom line, because The Prophet says so!
These predictions were made with all team lists available and a game late – that’s on me. Drop us your thoughts in the comments, and stay tuned over the coming weeks to see how the Prophet goes with his predictions.
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