The opening rounds feel as though they’ve had everything. We’ve seen hangars, some outrageous goals, umpiring controversy, Laura Kane on the verge of being replaced, MRO inconsistency, high scores … and we haven’t even seen 20 games yet. And the even weirder thing is that one team has played three games, and another has played just the one. Stupid Opening Round …
As we head into Round Three, players, coaches, clubs, and broadcasters are already under fire. Questions are being asked about game plans, list status, and if the face of vanilla ice cream – Justin Longmuir – will make it to Gather Round.
Be forewarned, while I am the Mongrel Punt’s resident oracle for all things AFL, I hold no liability for your bad betting and using my predictions in your multis. So, please, gamble responsibly.
So, strap yourselves in for the Prophet’s Predictions for Round Two.
The Guarantee
I’ve been told that I haven’t been bold enough with some of my declarations thus far. So, here’s one for you. In the Western Derby, as 18th hosts 17th, the Eagles, who played in horrid conditions last week and had so many players cramping, who are sure to not be at 100%, I guarantee, will beat the uninspiring Dockers. And Justin Longmuir, post-game, will say that because all clubs get behind the goals footage, they played a vanilla game to not give anything away.
The Ultimate Nightmare (Worst Case Scenario)
Carlton lose – which they will – and Michael Voss gives them another embrace and tells them that they are all stunning and brave humans, holding them to no accountability. They have all the talent in the world on their list, but they somehow keep failing to deliver. This club needs to find its hard edge, some resilience, and an ability to survive when things get tough. Until they do that, they are an unreliable underachiever that may need to make wholesale changes to get this club where it wants to go. And no, this isn’t a dramatic exaggeration because they’ve played two games this season. This is established form over recent seasons.
The Outsider (unexpected winner)
It’s probably weird that GWS are listed here, but they are the bookies underdogs. They’ve been tested more than the Hawks, and I think they should be favourites.
The Money Maker (Bold Call)
North kick 15 goals against the Crows, and lose by 5 goals or more. We’ve seen some high scores so far this year, especially from the Crows. North showed last week that they have the propensity to score, so, if conditions are good, this could be a fun watch. For North to do that, Larkey will kick 7.
Essential Result (Must Win)
Gold Coast must win this. Melbourne have been competitive, but not inspiring. The Suns flexed their muscle in their only Game. That might impact the Suns early – not being as match hardened – but if they are to show that finals is on the cards and be taken seriously, then they absolutely must come to Melbourne and win.
Most at Stake (Vulnerable)
The Bombers, again. This seems to have been a consistent narrative in recent seasons. When Brad Scott was named as coach, the Hangar was almost trumpeting success from the rooftops. They spoke a big game about chasing success. In a little over two seasons, Brad Scott himself, on AFL360, basically acknowledged that the club is going through a rebuild … again. They have some young talent, no veterans, and many on their list, age wise, hitting their prime … who under deliver. At some point, they need to deliver. Even if it’s sporadic, to show that they can do it. So, on Thursday Night, at home, against the Jekyll-Hyde Power, the Bombers need to show something. Anything. That convinces the football public that they can win big games.
The Must Watch (match up or game)
Hokball vs the Orange Tsunami on Saturday Night. Two of the early fancies to hoist the Premiership Cup later this year clash in a battle of undefeated teams. Fresh off destroying Carlton, the Hawks head to their Tassie base and host the Giants, who are nicely rested after an early-season bye. Both teams move the ball well, can score quickly, and like to look good while they’re out there. Strap in on Saturday Night.
The Unexpected (underdog performance)
Richmond showed some good signs last week, and I expect them to continue to show improvement this Weekend. The Saints are Marvel experts, but it might help the Tigers too, as they have no conditions to impact them. I hope that this game becomes a spectacle of youth, and celebrating the young players in the competition.
It’s a Big Weekend For …
Patrick Dangerfield. After vacating his post as AFLPA President, the Danger looked a bit at sea last weekend. From the elbow to Ryan Byrnes that escaped suspension to the awful set shot late that barely travelled 25 metres, the Danger wasn’t at his best. If he’s going to play primarily as a forward in 2025, he needs to fix his goal kicking. He doesn’t need to get it to 70-80%, but, at the very least, we need to believe he has a 50/50 chance of kicking the goal. There’s some work for him to be done.
Also, his side needs to lift. After blowing the Dockers off the park in R1, they were rather inept for a half against the Saints. Their kids brought them back into it, but the comeback didn’t end in success. As a collective team, they need to up their intensity this week. It’ll be wet, and the game will be won in the trenches. They likely remain without Bailey Smith, and Tom Stewart is unlikely to play. So, can the kids step up with stars missing, driven by the Prelim Final disappointment against the Lions, and cause an upset away from home?
The Don (player of the round)
I saw a stat today that Lachie Neale hasn’t polled Brownlow votes against Geelong. Brisbane will be wet. Like, really wet. That’ll suit Neale and his ability at the contest. With Geelong missing key mids, expect Neale to dominate.
The Underboss (rookie of the round)
Sid Draper is building nicely. He hasn’t set a game alight, but he continues to play a role for the rampaging Crows. I expect that he will get some opportunity against North, another young side, to show what he can do.
Also, I hope Tom Cochrane, the boy with Tourette’s, goes Well on debut for the Pear this weekend. He gets to have a look at the big time against a disappointing Essendon side. Hopefully he can hit the scoreboard, too.
Individual Brilliance (predicting a stat accomplishment like x goals or marks)
It’s time for Sam Darcy to take hold of a game. Weitering will likely go to the AstroNaught, allowing Darcy to dominate the likes of Mitch McGovern. Time for him to take over and kick 5+.
The Winners (currently on 13; last week 5)
Port Adelaide
Western Bulldogs
Gold Coast
St Kilda
Brisbane Lions
Greater Western Sydney
Adelaide
West Coast
These predictions were made with only the Thursday Night teams available. Drop us your thoughts in the comments and stay tuned over the coming weeks to see how the Prophet goes with his predictions.
