The man with the slipperiest drawers in the AFL is back for 2025.
Jimmy Ayres has the first edition of his Sliding Drawers for the year.
Adelaide
If…
Lachie Murphy and Ben Keays link up on the field this season for a noteworthy play…
Then…
We had better hear someone refer to the trusty duo as ‘Lach & Keays’…
Brisbane
If…
Anybody is equally as game as they are daft, and makes comment that Brisbane have had a ‘whirlwind’ start to the season…
Then…
That’s a worthy nomination for oversight of the year.
Carlton
If…
The Liberal Party want to earn votes in Victoria come election time…
Then…
Seating Patrick Cripps would be a foolproof method.
Collingwood
If…
We make it to Round 8 without hearing a commentator reference new Collingwood recruit Dan Houston, in a dire on-field situation, with a rousing “Houston, we have a problem”…
Then…
I will chew my boot.
Essendon
If…
Bombers fans are only now admitting that they are wacko because of Isaac Kako…
Then…
They are in denial. They have always been Wacko.
Fremantle
If…
Ever there were grounds to investigate someone as a Victorian spy…
Then…
I’m not saying it’s Luke Jackson, but the signs are there.
Geelong
If…
Maccas decide to run a counter-argumentative biopic to the 20-year-old classic Supersize Me…
Then…
Bailey Smith and those washboard abs constantly spruiking their fries would be a bloody good place to start.
Gold Coast
If…
The motivational poster reads: ‘Dance like nobody’s watching’…
Then…
It could just as easily read: ‘Dance like a Suns home game’
GWS
If…
Australia Post has anything to do with delivery…
Then…
It’s almost certain that The Package will still be somewhere in transit between Essendon and Blacktown.
Hawthorn
If…
The AFL media and their penchant for being just a little out of touch, continue this season as expected…
Then…
You can almost guarantee there will be at least one ‘Hawk Tuah’ reference this season.
Melbourne
If…
We conveniently forget that Clayton Oliver emptied his locker prior to the best and fairest last year and Christian Petracca actively tried to walk…
Then…
All is well at Demon-Land.
North Melbourne
If…
Clarko’s comments about North having “no ceiling” are accurate…
Then…
Things at Arden Street will get very wet and cold come winter time.
Port Adelaide
If…
The Barbie movie did irreparable damage to any AFL club…
Then…
It’s depiction of Ken as a supervillain has surely aided in a rift between Hinkley and the club.
Richmond
If…
The finishing ninth jokes are getting old…
Then…
I don’t think there will be any concerns in that department this season.
St Kilda
If…
Ever a team reminded me of a night on the town with my mates back in our heyday…
Then…
St Kilda’s complete inability to score or utter lack of scoring options, really brings back memories.
Sydney
If…
Anyone thinks that Chad Warner will put in less than 100% this season because of that WA rumour mill that’s a’ churning…
Then…
It’s a futile thought – whether it’s the audition process for another club, or a reminder to Sydney (not that it’s needed) as to his worth, The Chad will continue to impress.
West Coast
If…
You thought last year was overboard…
Then…
Wait for this year’s daily back-page efforts to resemble a second-hand motorbike magazine – absolute HarleyMania.
Western Bulldogs
If…
You thought this was going to be yet another piece about Jamarra…
Then….
You’d be wrong.
And this one’s for the AFL….
If…
Saturday afternoon is your primetime viewing spot, earmarked for the Grand Final every season and the constitutional argument against a twilight/night Grand Final…
Then…
Why is that particular time slot no longer shown on free-to-air tv throughout the season?
Like this free content? You could buy Jimmy a beer, or a coffee, or something to trim his nasal hair as a way to say thanks. He’ll be a happy camper.
