Jimmy Ayres is back, and his drawers are about as slippery as they get. They’re sliding everywhere!
Here they are for Round 18.
Adelaide
If…
Someone is ready to take the mantle as the AFL’s chief finger-pointer off Steven May…
Then…
Ben Keays is the current frontrunner.
Brisbane
If…
You were to try your hand at predicting this season’s most potent one-two punch midfield duos early in the season…
Then…
I doubt Lachie Neale/Josh Dunkley would have been in your considerations.
Carlton
If…
You let the opposition kick 14/16 goals in a row…
Then…
It’s pretty hard to win the match in today’s game.
Collingwood
If…
You were the old todger sitting in bay M53 on Friday night that repetitively told everybody within earshot that “you’ll never win a game kicking sideways like this, Bombers”….
Then…
I would like to once again remind you that you were in fact, incorrect.
Essendon
If…
You were one of the vocal doubters that insisted Zach Merrett wouldn’t make a good captain…
Then…
I’d love to hear from you now.
Fremantle
If…
You were told last year that at this point in the season, Josh Treacy would be sitting above Joe Daniher, Jeremy Cameron and Bayley Fritsch on the season’s goal kicker tally..
Then…
I’m sure you probably would have laughed.
Geelong
If…
You’re sick of “home” games at the MCG…
Then…
You’ll be pleased to know that next week’s fixture at the MCG is in fact Collingwood’s home game.
Gold Coast
If…
You thought I’d forgotten about the Hardwick Hoodoo at Marvel Stadium…
Then…
SURPRISE! 0-9 since the search for soul commenced.
GWS
If…
There are sometimes wins that you can feel…
Then…
That was one of them.
Hawthorn
If…
You hate to see a player injured…
Then…
It’s somehow even worse when it’s a twelve-monther in his first game back from injury. Thoughts with Mitch Lewis.
Melbourne
If..
The chances of making finals were slimming without Christian Petracca in the side and Clayton Oliver battling for form…
Then…
Add an injury to your fearless leader into the mix and your chances may be all but ‘Gawn’.
North Melbourne
If…
Clarko hasn’t punched or abused someone/something for a number of weeks…
Then…
I would be very hesitant to be in his presence.
Port Adelaide
If…
If the Barbie movie taught us anything…
Then…
It’s that in today’s day and age, apparently nobody likes Ken.
Richmond
If…
The ‘ninth’ jokes were getting old…
Then…
Ask Saints fans how wooden spoon gags feel.
St Kilda
If…
You thought the Saints forward line seemed to function a little better without a certain maligned forward…
Then…
You wouldn’t be alone in those thoughts.
Sydney
If…
Any player was doing his best to reinforce the long-standing rumour that Full Forwards have to sit down when they urinate…
Then…
It would be Logan McDonald.
West Coast
If…
Simmo gets the flick this week…
Then…
It may just be all up to a Knights in shining armour to rescue the Eagles.
Western Bulldogs
If…
Bevo vs Robbo was the stoush we needed but didn’t want…
Then….
It still pales in comparison to the fabled Bevo vs Tom Morris bout.
And this one’s for the AFL….
If…
You actually teach your commentators the difference in definition of the terms ‘deliberate’ and ‘insufficient intent’ and then explain that the rule pertaining to the ball going out of bounds is adjudicated under the ruling of the latter..
Then…
There would be somewhat less confusion around the umpire’s decisions when such a call is made. Not all, but somewhat.