Ten Things A Round Without Footy Taught Me

TEN THINGS I LEARNT AFTER A WEEK WITHOUT FOOTY...

1. Mowing the lawn isn't that bad. As long as you have a ride-on mower, that is. With nothing much to do, I decided I'd finally mow the lawn. I might live on an acre block, but with a ride-on mower it can be done in around 2 hours. This week was a little harder than normal, because I'm usually listening to the footy while I'm doing it...

2. We're gonna get "so-and-so" in trade week. The amount of rumours surrounding trades and draftees shows that the commentators are bored. My head is spinning as the bored commentators went into rumour-mill overdrive. As a Carlton supporter, it looks like we'll be getting McGovern, Shiel, Setterfield, Wallis, Liberatore, Gaff, May, Fasolo, Goddard, Roughead and more. And then we'll be back to square one after we get done again for breaching the salary cap. I wish these rumours would stop. Last year we were supposed to get Kelly and others. All we got was more GWS bit part players.

3. Gil McLachlin knows someone who has a French au-pair looking after their kids. It's good to be the king. And it's good to be able to influence people in power. It would be even better if we could afford an "au-pair". I don't know why we don't refer to her as a nanny. Is it because she's French?

4. I've actually seen most of the movies in the Video Ezy DVD machine. I've probably borrowed 7 movies to watch this weekend, such was my boredom due to no football to watch. I know I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel when I pay money to watch a Nicholas Cage movie!

5. I really need to get Netflix. And before you say it, I know I'm a dinosaur. I don't have Netflix and I'll get it soon. My kids are screaming for it. I only have Foxtel for the AFL, but their movies suck a big fat one.

6. You don't need to be a captain of your own team to be named captain of the All-Australian team. As great a player Lance Franklin is, he isn't even a captain at the Swans, so it puzzles me how he is named the captain of the All-Australian team. Is he even in the leadership group at the Swans? It's hard to see how if he's only trained for 20 minutes all year.

7. I'm still waiting for the All-Australian team to actually play a game of football. There is Australian football being played in various parts of the world, so why can't we have the All-Australian team playing against a foreign rival? Sure, they'd smash every team by 60+ goals, but it can't be worse than some of the Friday night games we've watched in 2018.

8. The fact that Father's Day falls on this weekend suggests to me that the AFL are subtly reminding us to spend more time with our families. No footy on Father's Day means you have to actually spend time with the family. When there's a game on, the family know to leave me alone. This week, they know I have no excuse to ignore them, so they can break my balls all day if they so choose.... and they did!

9. The sadness of being a supporter of a non-finals team. When your team aren't in the finals race, it just means you have to wait five weeks to end your misery till next year instead of the usual four. I just want this year to finish. The Blues played their last game last week, but the season from hell is still going, and it just won't feel done till after the Grand Final. This extra week prolongs the agony ever so much.

10. It's really hard to come up with 10 points when there's no footy. Writing these points was possibly my toughest one yet. When there's no footy on, what's left to talk about? I say abolish the pre-finals bye week. All it serves to do is make my wife think I can do more stuff around the house, and it actually allows my kids to think I enjoy watching them do really shit drawings and listening to them begging me to play with them. At least in summer, I can put them outside...

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